The way of the spirit

by H. Rider Haggard

“What is the good of asking questions of which you perfectly well know the answer, Dick? Of course George has helped me. Why shouldn’t he, as he can quite well afford to, and is the head of the family? Now I am going to help myself in the only way a woman can, by prudent and respectable marriage, entered on, I will tell you in confidence, with the approval, or rather by the especial wish of George himself.”

“Good Lord!” said Dick, with a bitter laugh. “What a grudge he must have against the man to set you on to marry him! Now I am certain there is something in all that old talk about the saint in his boyhood and the lovely and lamented Clara. No; just spare me three minutes longer. It would be a pity to spoil this conversation. Has it ever occurred to you, most virtuous Edith, that whatever I am—and I don’t set up for much—it is you who are responsible for me; you who led me on and threw me off by fits, just as it suited you; you who for your own worldly reasons never would marry, or even become openly engaged to me, although you said you loved me—”

“I never said that,” broke in Edith, rousing herself from her attitude of affected indifference to this tirade. “I never said I loved you, and for a very good reason, because I don’t, and never did, you or any other man. I can’t—as yet, but one day perhaps I shall, and then—I may have said that you attracted me—me, who stand before you, not my heart, which is quite a different matter, as men like you should know well enough.”

“Men like me can only judge of emotions by the manner of their expression. Even when they do not believe what she says, they take it for granted that a woman means what she does. Well, to return, I say that you are responsible, you and no other. If you had let me, I would have married you and changed my ways, but though you were ‘attracted,’ this you would never do because we should have been poor. So you sent me off to others, and then, when it amused you, drew me back again, and thus sank me deeper into the mud, until you ruined me.”

“Did I not tell you that you are a coward, Dick, though I never thought that you would prove it out of your own mouth within five minutes. Only cowards put the burden of their own wrong-doing upon the heads of others. So far from ruining you, I tried to save you. You say that I played with you; it is not the truth. The truth is, that from time to time I associated with you again, hoping against hope that you might have reformed. Could I have believed that you meant to turn over a new leaf, I think that I would have risked all and married you, but, thank God! I was saved from that. And now I have done with you. Go your way, and let me go mine.”

“Done with me? Not quite, I think, for perhaps the old ‘attraction’ still remains, and with most women that means repulsion from other men. Let us see now,” and suddenly, without giving her a single hint of his intention, he caught her in his arms and kissed her passionately. “There,” he said, as he let her go, “perhaps you will forgive an old lover—although you are engaged to a new one?”

“Dick,” she said, in a low voice, “listen to me and remember this. If you touch me like that again, I will go straight to Rupert, and I think he would kill you. As I am not strong enough to protect myself from insult, I must find one who is. More, you talk as though I had been in the habit of allowing you to embrace me, perhaps to pave the way for demands of blackmail. What are the facts? Eight or nine years ago, when I made that foolish promise, you kissed me once, and never again from that hour to this. Dick, you coward! I am indeed grateful that I never felt more than a passing attraction for you. Now open that door, or I ring the bell and send for Colonel Ullershaw.”

So Dick opened it, and without another word she swept past him.

Edith reached her room so thoroughly upset that she did what she had not done since her mother’s death—sat down and cried. Like other people, she had her good points, and when she seemed to be worst, it was not really of her own will, but because circumstances overwhelmed her. She could not help it if she liked, or, as she put it, had been “attracted” by Dick, with whom she was brought up, and whose ingrained natural weakness appealed to that sense of protection which is so common among women, and finds its last expression in the joys and fears of motherhood.

Every word she had spoken to him was true. Before she was out of her teens, overborne by his passionate attack, she had made some conditional promise that she would marry him at an undefined date in the future, and it was then for the first and—until this night—the last time that he had kissed her. She had done her best to keep him straight, an utterly impossible task, for his ways were congenitally crooked, and during those periods when he seemed to mend, had received him back into her favour. Only that day she had at last convinced herself that he was beyond hope, with the results which we know. And now he had behaved thus, insulting her in a dozen directions with the gibes of his bitter tongue, and at last most grossly by taking advantage of his strength and opportunity to do what he had done.