'My dear Wife,—a p.-c. to let you know that I am still alright, dear, hoping you and the children are the same dear. received your letter alright dear and I was pleased to hear that you are getting on alright also the children. well, Darling, I am sending you the flannel dear hope you will get it alright. I hope you get my Post-cards regular. I see by your letter you have not got any yet. let me know if you have got the money yet dear if not I will send you a letter to copy out and send for it it will be quite alright dear. let me know as soon as possible Dear. so now with love to you dear and the children with many kisses from your loving husband,
'Bert.'
The padre chuckled, stamped the affectionate and strangely punctuated effusion, and passed on to the next.
It was a letter from one of the sub-lieutenants to his aunt Janet—a rich Aunt Janet, judging from the letter. He thanked her affectionately for one pound of peppermints, a beautiful knitted muffler, and a pair of mittens, and assured her that they would keep him as warm as toast during the rigours of the coming winter. And did Aunt Janet know of any place where one could buy cheap but reliable vacuum flasks to hold a quart, and a decent pair of six-power prism binoculars? He had broken his own, he said, but had heard that those made by Messrs Ross of Cockspur Street, London, were very good. He was not quite certain, however, and would like to have her advice before buying them. He added one or two bloodthirsty remarks about Huns, remarks calculated to reduce the good lady to a state of considerable alarm if she was at all inclined to be timid, furnished the information that he was as fit as a fiddle, and remained her loving nephew.
The censor smiled, remembered that the young officer in question had written to numerous other ladies thanking them for winter comforts, and asked himself how many mufflers, mittens, balaclava helmets, body belts, and pairs of socks the sub really possessed. They must run into dozens.
He stamped and sealed the letter, took the next envelope which came to hand, but, having read a few lines of its contents, frowned:
'Dere Wife'—it ran—'i hope this finds you as it leaves me. we have had a terrible time, and last week we had a fierce and bloody battle in the North sea with the Germans, sinking many of them and some of ours likewise was sunk and many brave lads killed, we come back into harbour with the mainmast gorn and the funnels nearly falling down with the holes in them the ship was a terrible sight and the skipper was wounded bad but still fought on, the commander was killed and 40 men likewise the engineer commander and the chief pusser wot was in the sick bay at the time. Our ship done gallant and our decks running in blood i am alright and did not suffer a scratch but still feel the strain it was awful and now dere wife goodbye and many kisses from your loving husband
Ted.'
The Belligerent, to the great disgust of her ship's company, had not as yet been in action, while every one of her officers and men was still very much alive and kicking. The whole letter was a tissue of lies from beginning to end, and what had induced the man to write it, or had led him to imagine that the censors would pass it, the padre could not think. He glanced through the bloodthirsty missive again, picked up the envelope and looked at the address, and then stretched out a hand and pressed an electric bell-push.
'I want to see Stoker Walley of No. 67 mess,' he said when a bluejacket messenger answered his ring.