Sane Sex Life and Sane Sex Living / Some Things That All Sane People Ought to Know About Sex Nature and Sex Functioning; Its Place in the Economy of Life, Its Proper Training and Righteous Exercise

by H. W. Long

Now, nearly all well-bred and cultivated young women are naturally religious (and not a word should be said against their being so) and they are anxious to time their lives to everything that the highest religious demands prescribe. It is, therefore, most natural that, being thus taught by an authority for which they have the highest regard, they enter marriage with the fixed opinion in accordance with their teaching. How could it be otherwise?

On the other hand, a few young husbands, indeed none but now and then a "goody-good" (who usually turns out to be the worst of the whole lot, in course of time), are willing to "stand for" any such theory, much less to live any such life as this theory would impose. These "don't care what the book says," and, from the manner of their bringing up, from all they have learned or heard by hearing men talk about married life, (which is usually of the most vulgar sort) they have come to the conclusion that marriage confers upon the parties the right to engage in sexual commerce at will; and, especially, that the husband has the right to the body of his wife whenever he chooses. For, indeed, does not the law give him that right! And so long as one "keeps inside the law" what more could be asked! Yea, verily! What more could be asked?

So it is that most brides and bridegrooms go to their marriage bed with the most widely diverse views as to what is right and wrong in the premises—as to the life they will lead in their new estate. The young wife is for "purity" and "chastity." The young husband, driven by a passion which he has long held in thrall, in the belief that he can now give the fullest vent to it, when he has got where such relief is possible, is like an excited hound when it seizes its prey, which he fully believes he has the right to deal with as he pleases! What wonder that, in view of all these circumstances, the most extensive observer of marriage-bed phenomena should write: "As a matter of fact, nine young husbands in ten practically rape their brides at their first sexual meeting." Could anything be more horrible, or criminally wicked? And it is all so needless! It is all the result of ignorance, of "innocence," and the worst of false teaching. The pity of it!

True, these unfortunate conditions are often modified by "mother nature," who inspires the bride with curiosity, which, in a measure, controls her in spite of her false teachings, and with passion, which, to a degree, will assert itself over and above all false modesty, her religious scruples and her fear of pregnancy; and so she may come through the ordeal of introduction to the act of coitus in a fairly sane condition of mind, even though she may have practically been raped! But, too often, the result of such first contact is a shock to the bride from which she may not recover during all the subsequent years of married life! And "here is where the trouble lies," for untold thousands of married men and women, all over the civilized world, to-day. And it might all be so different! It ought, in every case, to be all so different! But if it ever does become different, knowledge has got to take the place of "innocence" on the part of the bride, and of ignorance on the part of the bridegroom, both of whom must be taught to "Know what they are about" before they engage in the sexual act, and be able to meet each other sanely, righteously, lovingly, because they both desire what each has to give to the other; in a way in which neither claims any rights, or makes any demands of the other—in a word, in perfect concord of agreement and action, of which mutual love is the inspirer, and definite knowledge the directive agent.

Such a first meeting of bride and bridegroom will be no raping affair. There will be no shock in it, no dread, no shame or thought of shame; but as perfectly as two drops of water flow together and become one, the bodies and souls of the parties to the act will mingle in a unity the most perfect and blissful that can ever be experienced by human beings in this world. This is no dream! It is a most blessed reality, which all normally made husbands and wives can attain to, if only they are properly taught and educated, if only they will learn how to reach such blissful condition.

However, such greatly desired status is not to be had for the asking merely. Instinct can never bring it about; "innocence" will never yield such a result; and force, or the declaration of a "right" in the premises will forever banish it to the realm of the never-to-be-realized. It can only come as a result of clear-headed thinking, scientific investigation, honest study, wise and righteous action under the given conditions; and, above all, a love, each for the other, that knows no bounds. All these things must obtain, on the part of both parties concerned, or the desired results can never be attained.

Having said which, here shall follow some suggestions as to how such estate may be reached by the readers of these pages.

But first, let us finish Dr. C., and all of his tribe—banish them from all our reckoning in these matters, forever.

As already shown, this argument has not a leg to stand on. These writers treat the whole situation as though men and women were mere animals! Men and women are far more than mere animals, and God hath made them so! And for these reasons we will have respect for men and women as God has made them, rather than as Dr. C. and the "purity leagues" say God should have made them!

As a matter of fact, the secondary function of sex in the human family is something far above mere animality; it is something that mere animals know nothing about, that they can never experience, or in any way attain to, and these fundamental differences in the premises remove the whole issue from the realm of comparison with any forms or functions of mere animal life. As well reason that animals never eat cooked food, and so men ought never to eat cooked food (and there are some people who do so reason, strange to say) or that animals do not wear clothes, and so men ought not to wear clothes—as well make these, or a score more of comparisons, between the human race and mere animals, as to try to compare them in the item of their sex functions.