Bragwell. Oh no; there are ways and means—a word to the wise—there is an acquaintance of mine that lives upon the south coast—you are a particular friend and I will get you half-a-dozen gallons for a trifle.
Worthy. Not if it be smuggled, Mr. Bragwell, though I should get it for sixpence a bottle. "Ask no questions," said the other, "I never say any thing to any one, and who is the wiser?" "And so this is your way of obeying the laws of the land," said Mr. Worthy, "here is a fine specimen of your morality."
Bragwell. Come, come, don't make a fuss about trifles. If every one did it indeed it would be another thing; but as to my getting a little good brandy cheap, why that can't hurt the revenue much.
Worthy. Pray Mr. Bragwell, what should you think of a man who would dip his hand into a bag and take out a few guineas?
Bragwell. Think? why I think that he should be hanged, to be sure.
Worthy. But suppose that bag stood in the king's treasury?
Bragwell. In the king's treasury! worse and worse! What! rob the king's treasury! Well, I hope if any one has done it, the robber will be taken up and executed; for I suppose we shall be taxed to pay the damage.
Worthy. Very true. If one man takes money out of the treasury, others must be obliged to pay the more into it. But what think you if the fellow should be found to have stopped some money in its way to the treasury, instead of taking it out of the bag after it got there?
Bragwell. Guilty, Mr. Worthy; it is all the same in my opinion. If I were judge I would hang him without benefit of clergy.
Worthy. Hark ye, Mr. Bragwell, he that deals in smuggled brandy is the man who takes to himself the king's money in its way to the treasury, and he as much robs the government as if he dipped his hand into a bag of guineas in the treasury chamber. It comes to the same thing exactly. Here Bragwell seemed a little offended, and exclaimed, "What, Mr. Worthy! do you pretend to say I am not an honest man because I like to get my brandy as cheap as I can? and because I like to save a shilling to my family? Sir, I repeat it; I do my duty to God and my neighbor. I say the Lord's prayer most days, I go to church on Sundays, I repeat my creed, and keep the ten commandments; and though I now and then get a little brandy cheap, yet upon the whole, I will venture to say, I do as much as can be expected of any man, and more than the generality."