34
Oh! see the Lady crying. She is very Young to be so Tearful. She is a Matinée girl. Why does she Cry? Is it because the Lovely heroine is in Distress? No; it is because the Leading man has had His hair cut. She wanted a Lock of his Lovely hair to Stuff a cushion With. What will she Do now? She will have to go to Another theatre until the Hair grows again.
35
This is a Vaudeville joke. How tired it Looks! Yes, it is Worn out. It has been doing Two a day for Nineteen Years. Once it was nearly Murdered by a Mean audience. Luckily it Changed its disguise. Will it ever Die? No; it will Get a Shave and a New disguise, and will go on working forever. How cruel to treat a good Joke so. What is the name of the Joke? It is the Mother-in-law joke.
36
Oh, see the Hat. It is a Stovepipe hat, and Belongs to the Manager. That is, he Wore it until last night. Now he will Have to buy Another hat. But this hat is good. It Cost Five dollars, and has been Worn only a Month. Yes, children, but there are other Points about the hat besides Wear. The size must be considered. Last night a great star, whom the Manager had Discovered, made a Hit. The Manager's head is Bigger now, and he must Have a new Hat. Let us take this one and put a Brick in It. Then when some other manager Cops the Star this manager can Kick the Hat.