“I am well. Never was better. But I can see, I hope, what’s before my eyes; and the fact is, Mrs. Crowfield, things must not go on as they are going. There must be more care, more attention to details. There’s Maggie,—that girl never does what she is told. You are too slack with her, Ma’am. She will light the fire with the last paper, and she won’t put my slippers in the right place; and I can’t have my study made the general catch-all and menagerie for Rover and Jennie, and her baskets and balls, and for all the family litter.”
Just at this moment I overheard a sort of aside from Jennie, who was swelling with repressed indignation at my attack on her worsted. She sat with her back to me, knitting energetically, and said, in a low, but very decisive tone, as she twitched her yarn,—
“Now if I should talk in that way, people would call me cross,—and that’s the whole of it.”
I pretended to be looking into the fire in an absent-minded state; but Jennie’s words had started a new idea. Was that it? Was that the whole matter? Was it, then, a fact, that the house, the servants, Jennie and her worsteds, Rover and Mrs. Crowfield, were all going on pretty much as usual, and that the only difficulty was that I was cross? How many times had I encouraged Rover to lie just where he was lying when I kicked him! How many times, in better moods, had I complimented Jennie on her neat little fancy-works, and declared that I liked the social companionship of ladies’ work-baskets among my papers! Yes, it was clear. After all, things were much as they had been; only I was cross.
Cross. I put it to myself in that simple, old-fashioned word, instead of saying that I was out of spirits, or nervous, or using any of the other smooth phrases with which we good Christians cover up our little sins of temper. “Here you are, Christopher,” said I to myself, “a literary man, with a somewhat delicate nervous organization and a sensitive stomach, and you have been eating like a sailor or a ploughman; you have been gallivanting and merry-making and playing the boy for two weeks; up at all sorts of irregular hours, and into all sorts of boyish performances; and the consequence is, that, like a thoughtless young scapegrace, you have used up in ten days the capital of nervous energy that was meant to last you ten weeks. You can’t eat your cake and have it too, Christopher. When the nervous-fluid, source of cheerfulness, giver of pleasant sensations and pleasant views, is all spent, you can’t feel cheerful; things cannot look as they did when you were full of life and vigor. When the tide is out, there is nothing but unsightly, ill-smelling tide-mud, and you can’t help it; but you can keep your senses,—you can know what is the matter with you,—you can keep from visiting your overdose of Christmas mincepies and candies and jocularities on the heads of Mrs. Crowfield, Rover, and Jennie, whether in the form of virulent morality, pungent criticisms, or a free kick, such as you just gave the poor brute.”
“Come here, Rover, poor dog!” said I, extending my hand to Rover, who cowered at the farther corner of the room, eying me wistfully,—“come here, you poor doggie, and make up with your master. There, there! Was his master cross? Well, he knows it. We must forgive and forget, old boy, mustn’t we?” And Rover nearly broke his own back and tore me to pieces with his tumultuous tail-waggings.
“As for you, puss,” I said to Jennie, “I am much obliged to you for your free suggestion. You must take my cynical moralities for what they are worth, and put your little traps into as many of my drawers as you like.”
In short, I made it up handsomely all around,—even apologizing to Mrs. Crowfield, who, by the by, has summered and wintered me so many years, and knows all my little seams and crinkles so well, that she took my irritable, unreasonable spirit as tranquilly as if I had been a baby cutting a new tooth.
“Of course, Chris, I knew what the matter was; don’t disturb yourself,” she said, as I began my apology; “we understand each other. But there is one thing I have to say; and that is, that your article ought to be ready.”
“Ah, well, then,” said I, “like other great writers, I shall make capital of my own sins, and treat of the second little family fox; and his name is—