“What made her wretched then?”
“La mère said that it was the pride and wantonness of her own heart, that made her hanker after the world, and would not let her be satisfied with being the spouse of Christ. I dare say it might be so; but it always seemed to me that she made a mistake in coming here at all. She expected that she should find companions who would feel holy raptures like her own; and that was too much to expect. She was never happy but when she was alone, and of course the sisters did not like her the better for that. She kept her place in the chapel till she could stand no longer; and yet Father Ambrose was not pleased with her: he said she was high-minded.”
“That was indeed the truth,” murmured Mary, who thought of a different kind of highmindedness than Father Ambrose had any idea of.
“Perhaps it was; yet she was lowly in her prayers: I know this, because I nursed her when she could not leave her cell; prayer was like meat and drink to her. ‘I have no stay but Thee,’ was on her lips perpetually in the long nights when her sickness wasted her.”
“What was her disease?”
“We never could find out. Father Ambrose told the sisters that it came from the Evil One, to show that, though a nun, she was not safe. I hope he did not really think this; but it was very strange, as he said, that it always loosened its hold upon her when the holy bell rang. At the first sound of the matin bell, she would look so peaceful; and often fell asleep presently, though she had been tossing through the whole night.”
“And how long did this last?”
“Oh! many months: it was four years after she came in, as I told you, when she died. But,” after a pause, “let me request you to tell no one here that I have said so much about poor Thérèse; for la mère thinks so ill of her, that she does not like we should mention her name.”
The request was needless: Mary would almost as soon have thought of taking the vows, after what she had heard, as of speaking to any one of the sisterhood about poor Thérèse.
“And did Sister Magdalen, whom you mentioned, know Thérèse?” she enquired.