CONTENTS.

Page
CHAPTER VIII.
THE ARTISTIC JOKE.
The First Idea--How it was Made--"Fire!"--I am a Somnambulist--My Workshop--My Business "Partner"--Not by Gainsborough--Lord Leighton--The Private View--The Catalogue--Sold Out--How the R.A.'s Took It--How a Critic Took It--Curious Offers--Mr. Sambourne as a Company Promoter--A One-man Show--Punch's Mistake--A Joke within a Joke--My Offer to the Nationpp. [1]--[25]
CHAPTER IX.
CONFESSIONS OF A COLUMBUS.
The Cause of my Cruise--No Work--The Atlantic Greyhound--Irish Ship--Irish Doctor--Irish Visitors--Queenstown--A Surprise--Fiddles--Edward Lloyd--Lib--Chess--The Syren--The American Pilot--Real and Ideal--Red Tape--Bribery--Liberty--The Floating Flower Show--The Bouquet--A Bath and a Bishop--"Beastly Healthy"--Entertainment for Shipwrecked Sailors--Passengers--Superstition.
America in a Hurry--Harry Columbus Furniss--The Inky Inquisition--First Impressions--Trilby--Tempting Offers--Kidnapped--Major Pond--Sarony--Ice--James B. Brown--Fire!--An Explanation.
Washington--Mr. French of Nowhere--Sold--Interviewed--The Sporting Editor--Hot Stuff--The Capitol--Congress--House of Representatives--The Page Boys--The Agent--Filibuster--The "Reccard"--A Pandemonium--Interviewing the President.
Chicago--The Windy City--Blowers--Niagara--Water and Wood--Darkness to Light--My Vis-à-Vis--Mr. Punch--My Driver--It Grows upon Me--Inspiration--Harnessing Niagara--The Three Sisters--Incline Railway--Captain Webb.
Travelling--Tickets--Thirst--Sancho Panza--Proclaimed States--"The Amurrican Gurl"--A Lady Interviewer--The English Girl--A Hair Restorer--Twelfth Night Club Reception at a Ladies' Club--The Great Presidential Election--Sound Money v. Free Silver--Slumland--Detective O'Flaherty.pp. [26]--[130]
CHAPTER X.
AUSTRALIA.
Quarantined--The Receiver-General of Australia--An Australian Guide-book--A Death Trap--A Death Story--The New Chum--Commercial Confessions--Mad Melbourne--Hydrophobia--Madness--A Land Boom--A Paper Panic--Ruin.
Sydney--The Confessions of a Legislator--Federation--Patrick Francis Moran.
Adelaide--Wanted, a Harbour--Wanted, an Expression--Zoological--Guinea-pigs--Paradise!--Types--Hell Fire Jack--The Horse--The Wrong Room!pp. [131]--[153]
CHAPTER XI.
PLATFORM CONFESSIONS.
Lectures and Lecturers--The Boy's Idea--How to Deliver It--The Professor--The Actors--My First Platform--Smoke--Cards--On the Table--Nurses--Some Unrehearsed Effects--Dress--A Struggle with a Shirt--A Struggle with a Bluebottle--Sir William Harcourt Goes out--My Lanternists Go Out--Chairmen--The Absent Chairman--The Ideal Chairman--The Political Chairman--The Ignorant Chairman--Chestnuts--Misunderstood--Advice to Those about to Lecture--I am Overworked--"'Arry to Harry."pp. [154]-[189]
CHAPTER XII.
MY CONFESSIONS AS A "REFORMER."
Portraiture Past and Present--The National Portrait Gallery Scandal--Fashionable Portraiture--The Price of an Autograph--Marquis Tseng--"So That's My Father!"--Sala Attacks Me--My Retort--Du Maurier's Little Joke--My Speech--What I Said and What I Did Not Say--Fury of Sala--The Great Six-Toe Trial--Lockwood Serious--My Little Joke--Nottingham Again--Prince of Journalists--Royal Academy Antics--An Earnest Confession--My Object--My Lady Oil--Congratulations--Confirmations--The Tate Gallery--The Proposed Banquet--The P.R.A. and Modern Art--My Confessions in the Central Criminal Court--Cricket in the Park--Reform!--All About that Snake--The Discovery--The Capture--Safe--The Press--Mystery--Evasive--Experts--I Retaliate--The Westminster Gazette--The Schoolboy--The Scare--Sensation--Death--Matters Zoological--Modern Inconveniences--Do Women Fail in Art?--Wanted a Wifepp. [190]-[234]
CHAPTER XIII.
MY CONFESSIONS AS A "REFORMER."
My First City Dinner--A Minnow against the Stream--Those Table Plans--Chaos--The City Alderman, Past and Present--Whistler's Lollipops--Odd Volumes--Exchanging Names--Ye Red Lyon Clubbe--The Pointed Beard--Baltimore Oysters--The Sound Money Dinner--To Meet General Boulanger--A Lunch at Washington--No Speeches.
The Thirteen Club--What it was--How it was Boomed--Gruesome Details--Squint-Eyed Waiters--Superstitious Absentees--My Reasons for being Present--'Arry of Punch--The Lost "Vocal" Chords--The Undergraduate and the Undertaker--Model Speeches--Albert Smith--An Atlantic Contradiction--The White Horse--The White Feather--Exit 13pp. [235]-[271]
CHAPTER XIV.
THE CONFESSIONS OF AN EDITOR.
Editors--Publishers--An Offer--Why I Refused it--The Pall Mall Budget--Lika Joko--The New Budget--The Truth about my Enterprises--Au Revoir!pp. [272]-[280]

HARRY FURNISS'S (EGYPTIAN STYLE).
From "Punch."

LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS.

PAGE
An Artistic Joke. A London Slum. My Parody of the Venetian School.Frontispiece.
My Studio during the Progress of "An Artistic Joke"[1]
Harry Furniss's Royal Academy[3]
Throwing myself into it[5]
Fire![6]
The Pictures by R. Macbeth:
Potato Gang in the Fens;
Twitch-burning in the Fens;
A Flood in the Fens[8]
Macbeth in the Fens[9]
Letter from the President of the Royal Academy[11]
"An Artistic Joke"[15]
Mr. Sambourne's Prospectus[18]
Cover of "How he did it"[20]
Initial "T"[20]
My Portrait. Frontispiece for "How he did it"[21]
Harry Furniss and his "Lay Figure"[22]
Letter from the President of the Royal Academy[25]
Initial "I"[26]
A "T—Tonic"[27]
An Atlantic "Greyhound."[28]
The Saloon of the Teutonic. The First Morning at Breakfast[30]
At Queenstown—A Reminiscence[33]
Bog-Oak Souvenirs[34]
The Captain's Table[36]
Not up in a Balloon[38]
Chess[40]
Mr. Lloyd and the Lady. "If you will sing, I will!"[42]
The American Pilot—Ideal[43]
The American Pilot—Real[43]
The Health Officer comes on Board[45]
Just in Time[46]
"A Floating Flower Show"[47]
The Bath Steward and the Bishop. "Your Time, Sir! Your Time!"[48]
Americans and English on Deck[49]
American Interviewing—Imaginary[52]
American Interviewing—Real[53]
"Sandy."[55]
Chiropody[57]
"New Trilby."[58]
"Amiable Mr. Harry Furniss"[59]
Major Pond[59]
The Great Sarony[61]
James B. Brown[63]
Fire![65]
The Alarm[67]
The Throne in the Senate[72]
The Throne, House of Representatives[73]
Initial "T"[74]
The House of Representatives[75]
An ex-Speaker[77]
An ex-Minister[80]
Anglophobia[82]
The President—Ideal[83]
The President—Real[83]
Initial "A"[84]
A Buffalo Girl[84]
President Harrison's Reply[85]
Mr. Punch at Niagara[86]
Hebe[86]
My Driver[87]
Fra' Huddersfield[87]
Niagara growing upon Me[88]
I admire the great Horseshoe Fall[89]
Jonathan harnessing Niagara[90]
"The Three Sisters."[91]
Inclined Railway, Niagara[92]
Where Captain Webb was Killed[93]
Tourists[94]
American Travelling. Nothing to Eat[96]
American Travelling. Nothing to Drink[97]
Sleep(!)[100]
A Washington Lady[102]
A Lady Interviewer[104]
A Sketch at "Del's"[105]
Young America[106]
An American Menu[107]
My Portrait—in the Future[108]
I am Entertained at the Twelfth Night Club[110]
Reception at a Ladies' Club[112]
Wife and Husband[113]
A Dream of the White House[114]
The Political Quartette[116]
After the Great Parade: "Am I to sit on an ordinary seat to-night?"[120]
Italians[123]
Where the Deed was done![125]
"A Youth with a Crutch"[127]
In an Opium Joint[128]
"In His Own Black Art"[128]
"Hitting the Pipe"[129]
"Good-bye"[130]
Initial "W"[131]
Coaling[132]
Quarantine[133]
Initial "T"[134]
Sleepy Hollow[135]
Prospectors[138]
Quarantine Island[141]
I am invited to present myself[143]
Landing at Adelaide[148]
Pondicherry Vultures[150]
The Maid of the Inn[150]
The Way into Paradise[151]
Paradise[151]
Adam and Eve[152]
A Type[153]
Queen's Hall, London. I was the first to speak from the Platform[154]
"Parliament by Day"[156]
"Parliament by Night"[157]
Miss Mary Anderson[159]
Initial "By"[159]
Giving My "Humours of Parliament" to the Nurses[162]
Speaker Brand, afterwards Viscount Hampden[164]
The Surprise Shirt[166]
Discovered![168]
The Fly in the Camera[169]
Late Arrivals[171]
Reserved Seats[172]
Chairman No. 1[174]
Chairman No. 2[177]
The Pumpkin—a Chestnut[178]
In "The Humours of Parliament." Ballyhooley Pathetic[181]
Harry Furniss as a Pictorial Entertainer[182]
"Grandolph ad Leones." Reduction of a Page Drawing for Punch made by me whilst travelling by Train[185]
Down with Dryasdust[189]
From a Photo by Debenham and Gould[190]
G. A. Sala[195]
"Art Critic of the Daily Telegraph"[199]
Counsel for the Plaintiff[200]
Mr. F. C. Gould's Sketch in the Westminster, which Sala maintained was mine[200]
Defendant[202]
My Hat[202]
The Plaintiff[203]
The Editor of Punch supports me[203]
Sir F. Lockwood and Myself[204]
"Six Toes" Signature[205]
The Sequel—I Distribute the Prizes at Nottingham[205]
Initial "T"[206]
The See-Saw Antic[207]
The first P.R.A.[209]
No Water-Colour or Black-and-White need apply[210]
A National Academy[211]
The Central Criminal Court. From Punch[215]
"Thank Y-o-o-u!"[216]
Regent's Park as it was. From Punch. A Rough Sketch on Wood[217]
The Late Mr Bartlett[220]
Sketch by Mr. F. C. Gould[223]
The Lady and Her Snakes[226]
Do Women fail in Art—The Chrysalis[228]
The Butterfly[230]
Early Victorian Art[232]
Young Lady's Portrait of her Brother[233]
Waiting[234]
Initial "P"[235]
Menu of the Dinner given to me by the Lotos Club, New York[237]
Alderman—Ideal. Real[239]
J. Whistler, after a City Dinner (Drawn with my Left Hand)[241]
An Odd Volume[241]
My Design for Sette of Odd Volumes[242]
My Design (reduced) for the Dinner of Ye Red Lyon Clubbe[243]
A Distinguished "Lyon"[243]
Headpiece and Initial "S"[245]
A Sound Money Dinner[249]
A Sketch of Boulanger[251]
Address of Boulanger's Retreat[252]
A Note on My Menu[253]
Remarkable and much-talked-of Lunch to me at Washington. The Autographs on back of Menu[254]
Mr. Punch and his Dog Toby[256]
A Memorandum in Pencil[258]
Thirteen Club Banquet. The Table Decorations[259]
Mr. W. H. Blanch[260]
The Broken Looking-Glass[261]
The Badge[261]
Squint-Eyed Waiter[263]
Coffins, Sir![266]
"The Chairman will be Pleased to Spill Salt with You." From the St. James's Budget[267]
A Knife I was Presented with[268]
Tailpiece[271]
"Au Revoir"[280]