The gay Lothario, too, who makes
His mad but meaningless advances
To more than one fair maid, and takes
A large variety of chances,
Need have no fear, in such a place,
Of any breach-of-promise case.
With Mormons of the latter-day
I have no slightest cause for quarrel;
Nor do I doubt at all that they
Are quite exceptionally moral;
Their President has told us so,
And he, if anyone, should know.
But tho' of folks in Utah State,
But 2 percent lead plural lives,
Perhaps the other 98
Are just—their children and their wives!
O stern, ascetic congregation,
Resisting all—except temptation!
Well, I, for one, can see no harm,
Unless for trouble one were looking,
In having wives on either arm,
And one downstairs—to do the cooking.
A touching scene; with nought to dim it.
But fifty children!—That's the limit!
Some middle course would I explore;
Incur a merely dual bond;
One wife, brunette, to scrub the floor,
And one for outdoor use, a blonde;
Thus happily could I exist,
A moral Mormonogamist!
Sherlock Holmes
HE French "filou" may raise his "bock,"
The "Green-goods man" his cocktail, when
He toast Gaboriau's Le Coq,
Or Pinkerton's discreet young men;
But beer in British bumpers foams
Around the name of Sherlock Holmes!