BILL
(Told by the Hospital Orderly)
At Modder, where I met 'im fust,
I thought as 'ow ole Bill was dead;
A splinter, from a shell wot bust,
'Ad fetched 'im somewheres in the 'ead;
But there! It takes a deal to kill
Them thick-thatched sort o' blokes like Bill.
In the field-'orspital, nex' day,
The doctors was a-makin' out
The 'casualty returns,' an' they
Comes up an' pulls ole Bill about;
Ole Colonel Wilks, 'e turns to me,
'Report this "dangerous,"' sez 'e.
But Bill, 'oo must 'ave 'eard it too,
'E calls the doctor, quick as thought:
'I'd take it kindly, sir, if you
'Could keep me out o' the report.
'For tho' I'm 'it, an' 'it severe,
'I doesn't want my friends to 'ear.
'I've a ole mother, 'way in Kent,
''Oo thinks the very world o' me;
'I'd thank you if I wasn't sent
'As "wounded dangerous,"' sez 'e;
'For if she 'ears I'm badly hit,
'I lay she won't get over it.
'At Landman's Drift she lost a lad
'(With the 18th 'Ussars 'e fell),
'Poor soul, she'd take it mighty bad
'To think o' losin' me as well;
'So please, sir, if it's hall the same,
'I'd ask you not to send my name.'
The Colonel bloke 'e thinks a bit,
'Oh, well,' sez 'e, 'per'aps you're right.
'And, now I come to look at it,
'I'll send you in as "scalp-wound, slight."
'O' course it's wrong of me, but still—'
'Gawd bless you, sir, an' thanks!' sez Bill.
. . . . . .
'E didn't die; 'e scrambled through.
They hoperated on 'is 'ead,
An' Gawd knows wot they didn't do,—
'Tripoded' 'im, I think they said.
I see'd 'im, Toosday, in Pall Mall,
Nor never knowed 'im look so well.