Whether his faith was founded on fact or fiction, he was true to what his reason dictated; but he felt that he could not allow himself to be an injury in any way to young people who had life’s fight to make in a world that was ready to persecute those who did not toe a line laid down by some church.
I have always noticed that it has ever been the system of organised religion to persecute in mean and small ways all those who disagree with it. All the willingness to go even farther and use the faggot, the stake and the rack still remains in our midst, among a very large class who are enthusiastic and ignorant, but full of faith in some fetish. They only lack the power. I have yet to learn that any man branded as an unbeliever has ever in the smallest way persecuted anybody. Nearly all religions foster fear in man’s heart, and fear always fights, which explains the bloody history of Christian peoples.
CHAPTER VI
My life was now a double struggle; a struggle for health and a struggle for knowledge. I was always miserable and very often ill. The joy of being alive was a thing I never knew for many years. Naturally my progress in education was not great. Probably, on the whole, I put as much energy into my work as most boys; for I was not strong enough to take part in the athletic college life, and had no inclination toward the pleasures of the fast crowd.
My days passed in fits of tremendous energy lasting a very little while, followed by long periods of listlessness, when everything was an effort. I worked nearly to the limit of my strength, and fully expected to pass my first year examinations. I was still quite confident after having written my examination papers. The beautiful spring days between the last examination day and convocation, when the reading out of the results was given, I passed complacently wandering on country roads, afoot or on horseback. I was still satisfied that I had passed when I sat in the big hall among relations, friends and college companions. This egregious confidence made the blow all the harder. I was plucked; ignominiously plucked. I had failed in three subjects. It was too much; I could not bear it, and could not bear either to look any of my friends in the face. I felt disgraced; and ran away accordingly.
I decided to be a tramp, a free vagabond, wandering “hither and thither,” living as best I might. Perhaps my health would benefit by the outdoor life? If not, I would die far away somewhere in a strange land, alone and unwept, and it would perhaps be better so, for I had unfortunate elements in me which could lead to no real good.
It was early in spring, but warm; and the roads were not bad. I walked till sundown. The direction did not matter; but I liked the river, so followed it. I could not have wandered very far in the few hours between three o’clock and seven; but by that time I was tired, so stepped into a little country hotel which I found near by. I ate a little and went to bed. Although I was very unhappy, I fell asleep almost immediately. In brooding over my own affairs, I quite lost sight of the anxiety my absence might cause my parents. Self-centred people never feel for others.
After breakfast in the morning I paid my little bill. It took nearly every cent I had. So much the better; tramps never had money; they begged and stole, and I was a tramp.
Again I followed the river, sometimes on the road, and sometimes on the shore. I really got along very well. Farm houses were plentiful and people were kind. All I had to do was to present myself, and I was fed, both by French and English. The people I met were mostly French.
After roaming thus for two days and a half, my feet became very sore, particularly my right foot, which had accumulated a beautiful blister on the side of my heel as large as a half-dollar. I had no idea my feet were so tender and that a mere blister on the heel could make itself so keenly felt. I began to be suspicious that one needed training to be a tramp.