A practical directory for young Christian females

by Harvey Newcomb

"All things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them." Matt. 7:12.

My dear Sister,

We are formed for society; and whoever refuses social intercourse with his fellow-beings, and lives to himself, violates an established law of nature. But the operation of this general principle creates the necessity of particular laws for the regulation of that intercourse. Hence, a numerous train of duties arise out of our social relations. And those duties enter more or less into the common concerns of life, according as these relations are more or less remote. The first relation which the Lord has established among men, is that of the family. This was established in Paradise; and it has been preserved, in all ages of the world, and in all countries, with more or less distinctness, according to the degree of moral principle which has prevailed. The Scriptures are very particular in describing this relation, as it existed in the patriarchal ages. It has its foundation in the fitness of things; and hence the duties arising out of it are very properly classed as moral duties. Of such consequence does the Lord regard this relation, that he has given it a place in the decalogue. Three of the ten commandments have particular reference to the family relation. From the first institution of this relation, we learn that the father and mother are to constitute the united head of the family. "They twain shall be one flesh." Authority is therefore doubtless vested in them both, to exercise jointly. But, since the fall, when mankind became perverse and self-willed, the nature and fitness of things seem to require that there should be a precedence of authority, in case of a division of the united head. This precedence, the Scriptures clearly and distinctly point out. One of the curses pronounced upon the woman, after the fall, was, that her husband should rule over her. This principle was carried out in the families of the patriarchs. The apostle Peter says, that the holy women of old adorned themselves with a meek and quiet spirit, and were in subjection to their own husbands: and particularly notice the conduct of Sarah, the mother of the Jewish nation, who obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. The same principle is repeatedly taught in the New Testament. "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord." "As the Church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything." "Let the wife see that she reverence her husband." "Likewise ye wives be in subjection to your own husbands." There can be no room for doubt, then, on this subject. But, where Christian principle prevails with both parties, there will be rarely, if ever, occasion to exercise this authority.

The fifth commandment teaches the duty of subordination to the head of the family, not only on the part of the children themselves, but of every member of the household. So far as the general interests of the family are concerned, persons residing in it are regarded in the same light as children; subject to all its laws, rules and regulations. Thus the Lord speaks of Abraham: "I know him that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord." The principle is here recognized, that Abraham had a right to command, not only his own children, but all his household. And the same may also be inferred from the language of the fourth commandment. It is addressed to the head of the family, and enjoins upon him to see that no labor is performed on the Sabbath, by any of his household, not even excepting the stranger that is within his gates.

The duty of the younger members of the family to respect the elder, may be inferred,—1. From the nature and fitness of things. The elder brethren and sisters are the superiors of the younger, in age and experience, and generally in wisdom and knowledge. They are better qualified to take the lead, and therefore entitled to respect and deference. 2. The same thing may also be inferred from the precedence always given in Scripture to the first-born.

But the great household duty is LOVE. If this is properly discharged, it will set all other matters right. If this is wanting, there will be a lack of everything else. The Scriptures insist upon the duty of brotherly love. "Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!" Christ, in his sermon on the mount, severely rebukes the indulgence of anger, and the want of kindness and courtesy among brethren. And the apostle John says, that "whosoever hateth his brother, is a murderer." A kind, tender-hearted, affectionate, and peaceful temper, should be maintained, in all the intercourse of different members of the same family.

But as mankind began to multiply, it became necessary that the social relations should be extended. A number of families, residing near each other, formed a neighborhood, or community. This gave rise to the new relation of neighbor, from the necessity of intercourse between families. This was again extended, to the formation of nations and kingdoms. But all these various relations are subject to the same great laws as those of the family; for they have grown out of them. The same principle which requires subordination to the head of the family, requires also deference to the elders of a community, and subordination to the rulers of the nation. And the same principle which requires the exercise of kindness, gentleness, meekness, forbearance, condescension and love, between the members of the same family, requires the exercise of similar dispositions between individuals of the same community and nation. The principle is also still farther extended, embracing the whole world as one great family; and requiring the exercise of love and the practice of benevolence towards all mankind. "Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man, for the Lord's sake." "Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself."

But, in consequence of the fall, another most interesting relation has been established. Out of this apostate world, God has chosen himself a family. Of this family, Christ is the head, and his people are the members. Here are the same relations as in the natural family; but they are different in their nature. They are spiritual, and, of course, of higher obligation. We are required to love Christ more than father or mother. And the Lord Jesus says with emphasis, "This is my commandment, that ye love one another." I have no doubt that, when grace is in full exercise in the heart, the brotherly love which Christians exercise towards one another is far stronger than the natural affection which exists between brothers and sisters of the same family.

From this general view of the social relations, we may gather the following rules of conduct:

1. Endeavor to render to all the members of the family in which you reside just that degree of deference and respect which belongs to them. Conscientiously regard the rules and regulations introduced by the head of the family, unless they are contrary to the word of God. In such case you should leave the family; because your relative duties would interfere with your duty to God.[M] Remember, it is in the domestic circle where your character is to be formed. It is here that your disposition is to be tried, and your piety cultivated. Endeavor, then, to maintain, in your family intercourse, the same dignity and propriety of deportment which you wish to sustain in society. Never descend to anything at the fireside which you would despise in a more extended circle. Bring the most minute actions of your daily life to the test of Christian principle. Remember that, in the sight of God, there are no little sins. The least transgression is sufficient to condemn the soul forever. "He that offendeth in one point is guilty of all." Especially avoid the indulgence of a selfish disposition. It is both unamiable and unchristian. Be always ready to sacrifice your own feelings, when by so doing you can give pleasure to others. Study the wishes and feelings of others, and prefer them to your own. Manifest a disinterestedness of feeling. Strive to be helpful to others, even at the expense of personal feeling and interest. "Look not every man on his own things, but every man on the things of others." "Charity seeketh not her own." Be kind to all; respectful towards superiors, courteous to equals, and condescending to inferiors. Be particularly careful not to trample upon the feelings of servants. Nothing can be more unamiable. If you cultivate these dispositions and principles of action habitually, in the domestic circle, they will become so natural and easy as to flow out spontaneously in every circle in which you move. And this will call forth the love and esteem of all your acquaintance. It will bring honor upon your profession, increase your influence, and thereby enable you to do more for the glory of God.