"'I have, you see, a sort of liking,' she continued, 'for Lord Vancome, a liking which is checked yet increased because I am afraid of him. I don't understand the feeling, but it is nice to play with fire; as a child I always loved to run my finger through the flame of a candle, each time more slowly till at last it just burnt me a little; and then I like, oh! you cannot know how I like to influence others!--to feel that for the moment I can turn them this way or that; to realize that there is some charm about me which holds them with a spell, and which they cannot escape. If you could have seen his eyes last night as he followed my every movement! I, only a country girl, and he a man used to all the beautiful women of London. I do not love him, I do not love you; in fact, I don't know what people mean by love, but I like people to be attracted by me, and to make much of me; and--well, to lead them on. Why should I not? Then he wanted to kiss me; he came nearer, I refused to let him; I felt more frightened, but I liked the feeling; would he or would he not? Then I looked up into his face in a way that I felt sure would make him, intending all the while to refuse if he tried to take advantage of that look. But he was too quick, and--and it was nice to feel powerless, but it was not my fault, for I told him not to do it.'
"'Vera,' I said, and my heart was very sad, 'can you not see, do you not understand, that it is your will and not your words that matter? Men and women are differently made, and the temptations of the latter come chiefly from weakness and vanity; but tell me why it was you promised to be my wife if you do not love me?'
"'Well,' she replied, 'I don't quite know; you see I don't love any one, but I suppose I shall when we marry, and it would be nice to marry. It would be lovely to have a wedding and presents, and to be made a lot of, and to have people talking about me, and it's dreadfully dull at home; besides, you are strong, and it is nice to feel that there is some one to lean upon, some one to trust. But I hate you now, and I will tell you why. You see into me, and I don't like it. I know you do, you see my thoughts, and if when we are married I did anything which you would not like, I should be afraid you might find it out. It would be better to marry Lord Vancome, he is not a bit like that; though I would rather trust you of the two in a difficulty.'
"I had become so interested in what she was saying that I had relaxed my power over her, and was only reminded of the fact by her next remark.
"'I do not really know, Mr. Sydney, what induced me to come down and say all this nonsense, for I have quite made up my mind, and it is no use your asking me to reconsider the matter. After your insult I shall never think of speaking to you again.'
"'I don't know that you have been asked to change your mind,' I replied, altering my tone, and no longer striving in any way to affect her judgment. 'You have wronged yourself, and would put the blame on me for bringing the fact home to you. I can for the present think of nothing to say, nothing to do; but remember, though you do not love me, I love you, and love never changes; whatever may happen in the future, Vera, as long as I live you will find me unchanged in two things---my desire for your love, and my wish to help you.'
"'Thank you, Mr. Sydney,' she answered, making at the same time a little mock curtsey; 'I do not think it at all likely that your valuable assistance will be required, or that you will succeed in gaining my love. Good-bye!'
"'Well,' I reflected, while walking back slowly over the moor, 'for one possessed of exceptional powers it seems that I have made a pretty fair mess of the whole thing.' And I began to understand how limited all influence must be under such conditions. For, in the first place, I wished for the love of a girl who was as yet incapable of understanding the meaning of the word; and secondly, was trying to save a soul from its own nature without destroying its freedom of action.
"I left Scotland on the following day and returned to my chambers in London. Before doing so I wrote a note to Mr. Soudin saying that though my feelings were still quite unchanged towards Vera, I felt it would be better for both of us if we did not meet again just at present. I also asked him in the event of his coming up to town, if he would call and see me.
"In reply a most cordial letter arrived, saying that he expected to be in London in the course of the following week, and that he would be sure to call and look me up.