3. She must avoid frequent attempts at wit; avoid punning, which is the cheapest possible form of wit; and avoid sarcasm. The talent for being sarcastic is a most dangerous one. 'No one ever knew a sarcastic woman who could keep friends. The temptation to be bright and interesting and to attract attention by the use of sarcasm is very strong, for nearly all will be interested in it and enjoy it for a little. But were I obliged to choose between sarcasm and dullness in a young girl, I should prefer dullness. Happily, this is not a necessary alternative.
4. She must avoid a kind of joking and badinage that should never be heard among well-bred young people in society—that about courtship and marriage. Much harm, much blunting of fine sensibilities, much destruction of that delicate modesty which is the priceless dower of young girlhood, comes of such jesting and joking where it is permitted without restraint or reproof. A young girl may not be called upon to reprove it, but she certainly can shun the company of those who are given to such vulgarity (for no other term will rightly describe it), and she can certainly refrain from joining in any conversation of this description.
Always remember that to be a good converser you must be a good listener. Very often people acquire a pleasant reputation and popularity in society by the exercise of this talent alone—that of listening with attention and interest to what other people say. Be especially careful to avoid interrupting one who is speaking. Many a fine and noble thought, many an interesting discussion, is broken off and lost by the irrelevant interruption of some thoughtless person. One reason why the art of conversation has so degenerated in these days is that so few have a real interest in hearing the fine thoughts of good thinker and talkers. So many people want to talk about themselves, or their affairs, that it is in many circles almost an impossibility to maintain a high and elevating conversation. Until years and experience, as well as wide reading and information, have given you the right to express freely your opinions in society, it will be well to listen a great deal more than you speak, especially when in the company of your elders. Avoid all sentimentality, or the discussion of subjects that would expose the private and sacred feelings of the heart. Do not quote poetry; do not ask people's opinions on delicate and individual questions. I have heard a young boarding-school graduate embarrass a whole room-full of excellent and educated people by asking a young gentleman if he did not think Longfellow very inferior to Lowell in his love poems. Among those of your own age let what you have to say relate to everything more than to the doings or sayings of other people. In this way you will avoid that bane of social conversation—gossip. In all social relations strive to throw your influence for that which is faithful, sincere, kind, generous, and just. Have a special thought and regard for those who may labor under disadvantages? be especially kind to the shrinking and timid, to the poor and unfortunate. Strive to be worthy of the confidence and respect and love of your associates, and all your relations to society will be easily and naturally and happily adjusted.
LETTER VI.
ASSOCIATES AND FRIENDS.
My Dear Daughter:—When I was a young girl, I well remember that my parents judged who were and who were not desirable and proper associates for their children, chiefly by reference to the parents and family of our young companions. It was taken for granted that the children of good, honorable, Christian people, who strove to train their children to obedience and a conscientious life, would be suitable companions for us; and this criterion in nearly every instance proved to be a true one. In only one instance, indeed, did it fail; and I well remember the shock it gave a whole circle of young people, when a young companion, the son of an eminent clergyman, was sent home on account of his language and conduct after one week's visit among friends, when it had been expected by all that he would stay two or three months.
But in these days this criterion of family and parentage is insufficient; for, sad as it may seem, the children of really excellent parents are often so derelict in duty, so lacking in conscientiousness, so idle and aimless and frivolous that their companionship should be dreaded for susceptible young people especially for young girls. One thing is very certain: that in these days young people, when out of sight of their parents, often act and talk in a way which they certainly would not do in their parents' presence. And that is truly a distressing fear which often comes to the hearts of excellent and faithful parents, that the conduct of their children when out of their sight and restraint may be totally at variance with all they have been taught in regard to right and proper conduct.
Now all people, old or young, are influenced in conduct somewhat by their associates and friends; but young people especially are susceptible to the influence of example. And it is a painful but well known fact that young people are much more easily and quickly influenced by bad example than by good. One frivolous, vain, forward, pert young girl, coming for a season into association with a company of young people, may in a few short weeks make her impress on the manners and conversation of the whole of them. Her slang expressions will be adopted; her loud manners and eccentricities of dress will be imitated; her frivolity and dislike for any of the serious duties of life will prove contagious.
For you, and for any young girl, I would consider dangerous and harmful intimate association with: