Brite and Fair

by Henry A. Shute

then in the afternoon i went butterfling with Potter Goram and got sum splendid red and black ones on the nettle flowers by the side of the road. father he came home from Boston good-natured and was glad to see i was so mutch better and we had the roach and pickeril for supper and they was fine. after supper father went down town for sumthing and we was setting round the table. Cele had read the 95nd palsam and was reading Dare Devvil Dave the Ded Shot and i was wateing for father who sed he wood bring me a new novil from Fogg and Fellers store. Keene was reading the Fireside Companion, mother lets her read that insted of the New York Legger. Georgie was putting a picture puzel together and Annie and Franky and the baby had been put to bed when i heard father comin up the steps. as soon as he opened the door i sed have you got my novil and he sed the thing you will get is a thundering good licking insted of a novil and i see i a minit that he was mad. so i sed what have i done and he sed what in thunder did you wright that devilish leter to that infernal idiut Aspinwall for? and i sed i done it to beg his pardon and mother she sed i done rite. then father he sed that is a prety way to beg a mans pardon by telling him i sed he was a dam hippokrit. then i sed i dident say you sed he was a dam hippokrit i only sed you sed when a man tries to be a decon and a plug ugly one at the same time it was the dam hippockerasy of the thing that made you mad. i dident say you sed he was a dam hippokrit.

father he sed for goddlemitys sakes what is the difference? what rite had you to tell him that ennyway and i sed well you did say it dident you? and he sed of coarse i sed it and it is true but if you dont know enny more than to tattle evrything i say at home i will give you a good sound thrashing rite now and i thougt i was going to get it when mother sed wait George to father and then she sed to me what did you wright to decon Aspinwall and i cood remember all of it and i told her jest what i had rote and she leened back in her chair and begun to laff and laffed and laffed until i thought she wood fall out of her chair and Aunt Sarah she laffed almost as hard as mother and father he begun to laff and then we all laffed. i laffed becaus i see father laffin and i sed to my self it is all rite he wont lick me now. so i laffed. after we had stoped laffing mother sed how did you find out about the letter George and father he sed i went into Fogg and Fellers store to get your novil and while i was talking to Jack Fogg up come decon Aspinwall as red as a beat and sed what do you mean George Shute by calling me a dam hippokrit? and i sed i havent called you a dam hippokrit or enny sort of a hippokrit and he sed yes you have and i have it hear in black and white and he shook a leter rite in my face. so i sed i dont know what you meen. i havent rote any leter about you and he sed i know it but your misable son has ritten this atrosius epissle and you shall pay for it sir, you shall pay for it. well all the peeple in the store were lissening and i was a geting mad and so i sed well decon i know you aint drunk for you are to cussed meen to pay for a drink and so i gess you must be crasy but to keep you from going cleer out of your mind i will read the leter and i was sirprized. but i tried to smooth it over and sed now decon do you supose for one minit that i ever thougt that of you, mutch less sed it? and he sed yes sir that is jest what a man like you wood say and think two. well i kep my temper and tride to smooth him down but the more i tride the mader he got and finally he told me i was a defaimer of innosent persens and that he wood maik me proove it in coart. then i got mad and sed look hear you longnosed old vagrant, sue and be damned, but i have heard enuf of your chin musick and if you say 2 words moar i will smash that sankit monious old snout of yours so flat that they wont be able to see your ears. then i told him to go to hell and i come home. but it was the bigest fool performance to wright a leter like that i ever heard of and if you ever do ennything again like that i will tan the hide off of you.

i sed i woodent and i hoaped nobody wood say enny more but jest then mother sed i hoap you were moar cairful about the other leters and father he sed what have you sent enny others and i sed yes sir and he sed who elce did you wright to and i told him and he sed what did you wright to Missis Peezly and i sed i told her i was verry sorry for what i hollered to Beany and asted her to forgive me, and he sed are you sure and i sed yes sir hoap to die and cross my throte. and he sed what did you wright to Rody Shatuck and i sed i rote her jest about the saim as i had rote to Missis Peezly and he asted if i was sure and i sed hoap to die and cross my throte. and he asted me what i rote to the minister and i sed i asked him to forgive me becaus i douted his word and for sassing him and he sed are you sure and i sed hoap to die and cross my throte.

then he asted if i rote the same to the other peeple and i sed yes ser and he sed well thank the good lord you had more sence than you did when you rote the leter to old Aspinwall. and i sed yes sir I am glad i had so i thougt i was all rite when the door bell rang kind of mad. i can always tell how a person feals when he rings our doorbell and when he neerly pulls it out i know he is mad. i felt as if sumthing was going to hapen jest then.

well Cele went to the door and i heard a woman asing if father was in and i reconised Misses Peezlys voice and i gnew she was mad and i wondered what she was mad for. so father he went in and i cood her her yapping away at him and cood hear father talking but coodent hear what they was saying. mother sed i hope you told your father the truth and i sed yes mam. bimeby father come in and called mother and she went in and i cood hear her talking. jest then the door bell rang and Cele let in old Rody Shatuck and a minit afterwerds in come Angelina Annis and Unice and Mary Ann Wilkins and Feeby Derborn all of them jest mad enuf to fite. i cood tell they was mad by the way they asted for father. i tell you i got fealing prety sick but i coodent see what they was mad about. when they went into the parlor you wood have thougt it was a chirch meating when they was voating for the carpet in the vestry. evry woman talked to onct jest as loud as they cood. i never head such a noise in my life before. bimeby father come in and told me to come in and told me not to say a word unless to answer questions that he asked. i hated awful to go in but i had to. when i got in they was all there with there faces as red as beats and mad enuf to bit spikes. Rody Shatuck called me a misable brat and old Missis Peezly called me a low minded retch and made a mosshun as if she was going to paist me one with her old umbrela, but father told me to set down in a chair by mother then Angelina sed to mother that she augt to be ashaimed of herself for incurageing me in my criminallity. that is what she sed but i dident know what she ment. but father who had not yipped a single yip sence i went in sed loud now look hear Misses Shatuck i want you to understand that you must keep Missis Shute out of this discussion. you can say what you like to me or about me and when you are all through i may have sumthing to say but if ennyone of you say a word disrespectful to her why then we will stop this thing to onct. Now if you understan that go ahead. well i gess they understood it for of all the talk you ever heard, you wood have thought to thousand hens was cakling. they jest give it to me and father. father looked stern and serius but i thougt i cood see sumthing in his eys that looked like he wanted to laff, but mother dident look a bit like laffing. bimeby when they had talked about a hour it seamed to me they stoped. then father sed now young ladies i am a grate deel older then you are and have tride to look at the matter on both sides. why father aint within a most a hundred years so old as eny of them but he gnew how to pleese them. mother looked mad but father went on. as for you Missis Peezly nobody here ever heard of you having fits or ennything else. i goke a good deel to home here and i never goke about peeple i dont like. it is always about peeple for which i have the greatest respec and liking. i may have sed sumthing like what he sed and if i did i hadent augt to have did it, and woodent have did it if i had suposed that this boy woodent have gnew better than to have took it serius. i beg your pardon verry sincerely and this boy must do it two. so father he done it and i had to do it a 2th time. well she told father she was sorry she lost her temper with him for evrybody sed he was a perfick gentleman, but she still thougt the boy had augt to be punished verry sevearly for mottifiing her so. father he sed she mite be very sure he wood attend to that and he glore at me when he sed it as if he wood cut me into 40 peaces and she sed good nite to father and good nite to mother and mother looked at her as if she wasent there and old Missis Peezly tirned red and snifed and went out stifleged.

then father he sed to Rody Shatuck now Missis Shatuck the last thing in the wirld that a yung lady shood be ashamed of is to be slite and graiceful. that is one of the menny things you had augt to be proud of. there isnt a fat woman in this town whitch dusent envy you for your graice and activity, of coarse the boy was very infortunate in his choice of words but i asure you that the only thing he did was to call two publick atension to your verry atractive figure. i am real sorry i was not there to taik advantage of a most unusual oportunity. and then old Rody gigled and sed she had been told she had a fine figure but she dident like to be told like i told it and father glore at me again and sed it woodent happen again and she sed goodnite to father and to mother and mother looked at her as if she wasent there at all and she tirned red and snifed and went off stifleged like old Missis Peezly.

then father sed to Mary Ann and Unice Wilkins and Feeby Derborn. young ladies there probly aint enny peeple that do as mutch for the moral uplif of the chirch as those devoted young wimmen whitch do so mutch to help the minister in his menny duties in the chirch and parrish and when the history of the chirch is rote you young ladies will occupy a very high place on the role of onner. they always is and always will be peeple whitch is consoomed with gelousy and probly sum one has sed things and my son has heard them. but i am sure young ladies whitch is so kind harted as you have shew yourselfs to be will not be two sevear on a boy whitch at the time was sufering from poizen ivory and over eating and as for his part he wood punish him sevearly for saying what he did.

so they sed if he wood do that it wood be all rite and they sed it was a pleasure to talk with a man who was so willing to do rite and to maik others do rite and father sed it was a pleasure to meat and talk to ladies of their standing in chirch and in society and he shook hands with them and they sed good nite to father and to mother and mother looked at them jest as if they wasent there, and they all tirned red and snifed and went off mad as time and jest as stifleged as the others.

well after they had went father looked at mother kind of funny and scrached his hed and sed well Joey, he calls mother Joey, you have got about as mutch tack as a fire alarm on resurexion day and mother sed George Shute do you realy mean to say that you are going to whip him for lying to you after what you have sed to them wimmen? and father laffed and sed he had to do sumthing to teech me a lesson and that one moar nite like this wood send him to a mad house. and mother told him he lide to them wimmen wirse than i had lide to him and he sed it wasent lies it was dipplomercy and if she had enny tack he wood have had them gnitting sox and mittens for him, and mother snifed two.

so then he took me up stairs and licked me. not verry hard but moar than i desirved. but the wirst was that i cant go out of the yard for 3 days and nex weak is the last weak of vacation. i think it is prety meen to treat a boy so whitch has lade between life and deth for 3 days. i always get the wirst of it when i try to be good.