At the next cross she could no longer retain any illusion. Her own recollections served her. In the month of June, 1903, for the benefit of some social work, Albert had given a lecture in Paris on the subject of marriage, the success of which had been so great that he had been obliged to repeat it in the provinces and abroad. Now the leading ideas of this lecture were to be found in the note-book which Elizabeth was reading.
"On the Education of Woman—Double danger to be avoided: firstly, that which represses her too much and makes of her a weakened sentimental creature, a good housewife, a discreet and safe companion knowing little of her husband's interests, overwhelmed by petty domestic duties, unequipped to mold men and women; secondly, that which tends to create the masculine type of woman and to destroy the unity of the family by depriving it of its master. In the first case the woman thinks of marriage as a matter-of-fact state, a final solution. She does not understand that happiness is to be gained or lost every day and needs constant care and lasting attention. She imagines simply that her husband's property is to be made over to her once and for all by an authentic deed. After that there is nothing to do but to allow oneself to drift along in an aimless life. Why can one not have the time that these women waste in trifles! Certainly the house is looked after and one dines punctually. But intellectually and morally the man is alone. A young girl who is not eager to develop her intelligence has no right to accept the hand of a real man in marriage.
"In the second case the woman accepts marriage as a means of developing her personality. She at once becomes a rival, who has all the advantages. The man who would realize his life in its fullness (and a man's life as opposed to that of a woman, can never have love alone as its exclusive object)—needs to find in his home, rest, security and trust after his work. It is the wife's duty to understand, to accept and to adorn the life of her husband. Her natural wisdom should uphold and not retard him. Socia rei humanae et divinae. Marriage is arranged according to material consideration; once entered into, it is accepted as a fixed custom. And one fine day we are surprised to find that we are strangers to each other. An unhappy marriage is often made more so by family differences, particularly when the wife is attached to her own people and remains indifferent to her husband's. The carelessness and thoughtlessness of wives break up more households than their independence of character and their desire for love. To know how to live in a state of watchfulness is half the art of living...."
There were only these general ideas about education, still somewhat incoherent, and a woman always hesitates to apply theories to the facts which underlie them, to draw a direct application from them. But a few lines further on clearly evidenced the intention of the lecturer.
"There is one who will listen to this quietly and passively and will accept with a gracious smile at its end the congratulations of her women friends without having understood a word of it."
Elizabeth, thus referred to, raised her head. She remembered this conversation, expressed somewhat disdainfully, but which had not been offensive. She had really understood only the pleasure of being on parade and well received. Being too indolent to think and form her own opinion, she agreed quite willingly with all the lecturers whom she heard. But not being informed, why should she be on her guard? And what did these allusions, these omissions signify? Still, she did not understand. What were her faults? What reproaches could he make her? She could not be appealed to by quotations, and generalities. Why not speak more frankly?
She took up the note-book again more nervously, on the alert for the slightest vindication as a warned sentry watches for the approaching enemy who has been sighted.
The continuation of the diary was dated from Saint Martin d'Uriage. When the summer came they left Paris. Albert, engaged in the writing of "The History of the Peasant," no longer needing to make a memorandum of other subjects, applied himself to analyzing his own mind. Whether he was growing accustomed to putting his sorrow into words, or whether that suffering, increasing, rendered him less self-possessed, at any rate, little by little, not without hesitation, however, he was losing that reserve which had kept him from revealing his inmost thoughts, and as a result of which he had thus far concealed them within his literary annotations or anonymous complaints:
"August, 1903—'Nowadays the world is free to great souls. To those who are alone or to a couple, many places are open where one can breathe the fragrance of the silent water.'
"Alone or a couple? Where did Nietzsche imbibe such confidence in love? If one wished to experience the living presence of his thought, he must find solitude. For our thought is jealous, restless and austere. We are alone in our deepest emotions. Art, nature, metaphysics and the past which is ours to explore, demand that we be alone to understand them. In marriage it is necessary to keep this solitude intact. One does not give his intellectual strength to the joint patrimony. The cleverness of the wife lies perhaps in respecting this, by keeping her distance. If she does not do so she lowers, weakens, and finally kills it.