Elizabeth conscientiously hesitated to turn the page. Had she the right to go on? But Philippe Lagier, who was Albert's representative, had made no reservation in giving her the package. It was then expected that she should gain complete information without restriction. Her scruples, it is true, were in accord with an instinctive fear. She surmised that there would be less mention of her and more of another, and she regretted in advance the accusations which she had found, and to which perhaps there would be no further allusion. Finally she experienced an absolute reluctance to hear anything about this woman who was about to appear on the scene, and whom she utterly despised and wished to forget.
After trying unsuccessfully to conquer the obsession of her awakened curiosity, of her anxiety, she lost her self-control and inner peace, and applied herself distractedly to the reading.
There were no more crosses. The unfinished book was wholly consecrated to the intimate life, the new life of Albert Derize.
"London, May 3, 1904. The hall of the Imperial Institute at Kensington, where I gave my lecture on the condition of the peasant before the Revolution, holds a thousand persons. The government was well represented. The Lord Mayor, the Sheriff of the City, the Ambassador of France, the Consul General, a delegation from the Royal Academy were present. Poor little French peasant whom I lead through the capitals, how I sometimes envy your work in the open air and the fruitful sweat of your brow! The lawyer and the man in politics have the excitement of the game, whereas I, so frequently during my lectures, feel an impression of empty show.
"Later I was introduced to all the official society, and, of course, to a number of ladies. My imperfect knowledge of English complicated the ceremony. At the end of the procession, like those gathered at our churches for an important wedding, a young woman came up to me and said in French:
"'Do you not recognize me?'
"'Mademoiselle de Sézery.'
"'Yes, I have not changed very much then?'
"'Scarcely at all, Mademoiselle.'
"'You have made me ten years younger just now when you spoke about Dauphiné which I have never revisited—I thank you.'