a Week after the Arrival of D——n S——t, from Ireland; the Occasion, as I am very well informed, was this, the D——n, one of the first Things he did, went to pay a Visit to Mr. T——, his old Bookseller; but, to his Surprize, found both the Brothers dead, and a Relation in the Shop, to whom he was an utter Stranger. Mr. M—— for such is this Person’s Name, gathering from the D—n’s Enquiries who he was, paid him his Devoirs in the most respectful Manner, solicited his Friendship, and invited him to a Dinner, which the D——n was pleased to accept. By the Way, you must know, he is a great Lover of Dumpling, as well as the Bookseller, who had ordered one for himself, little dreaming of such a Guest that Day. The Dinner, as ’twas not provided on purpose, was but a Family one, well enough however for a Bookseller; that is to say, a couple of Fowls, Bacon and Sprouts boiled, and a Forequarter
of Lamb roasted. After the usual Complements for the unexpected Honour, and the old Apology of wishing it was better for his sake: The Maid, silly Girl! came and asked her Master if he pleased to have his Dumpling; he would have chid her, but the D——n mollified him, insisting at the same Time, upon the Introduction of Dumpling, which accordingly was done. Dumpling gave Cause of Conversation, but not till it was eat; for the Reader must understand, that both the Gentlemen play a good Knife and Fork, and are too mannerly to talk with their Mouths full. The Dumpling eat, as I said before, the D——n drank to the Bookseller, the Bookseller to the Author, and with an obsequious Smile, seem’d to say ah! Dear Doctor, you have been a Friend to my Predecessor, can you do nothing for me? The D—n took the Hint, and after a profound Contemplation, cry’d, Why ay—Dumpling will do—put
me in Mind of Dumpling anon, but not a Word more at present, and good Reason why, Dinner was coming in. So they past the rest of the Meal with great Silence and Application, and no doubt dined well. Far otherwise was it with me that Day: I remember to my Sorrow, I had a Hogs Maw, without Salt or Mustard; having at that Time, Credit with the Pork-Woman, but not with the Chandler: Times are since mended, Amen to the Continuance!
The D——n, having eat and drank plentifully, began his usual Pleasantries, and made the Bookseller measure his Ears with his Mouth; nay, burst his Sides with Laughter; however, he found Interval enough to remind the D——n of Dumpling, who asked him if he had a quick Hand at Writing: he excused himself, being naturally as Lazy as the other was Indolent, so they contrived to ease themselves by sending for a Hackney Writer
out of Temple Lane to be the D—’s Amanuensis, while he and his new Acquaintance crack’d t’other Bottle.
This Account may be depended upon, because I had it from the Man himself, who scorns to tell a Lye.
To be short, my Friend had the worst of it, being kept to hard Writing, without Drinking (Churls that they were) about three Hours; in which Time the Dissertation was finished, that is to say, from Page 1. to Page 25. the rest might probably be done at some other leisure Time, to fill up the Chinks, but of that he knows nothing; sufficient is it that the D——n was the Author. Proceed we now to the other Discoveries, by drawing the Veil from before the Book it self.
