Far. H. Grounds! Ordinary grounds wouldn’t hold ’em! I’ve a hull farm full!
Law. P. One or two are just as efficient in procuring a divorce as a hundred, providing the offence is grave enough. Your wife now, for instance; I suppose she hasn’t fallen in love with another man?
Far. H. Haw-haw! That’s a good ’un! Betsey in love with another feller! Wal, hardly, mister! Betsey isn’t no fool. You can bet high on that!
Law. P. Of course that was a suppositional case, merely. Is she a scandal-monger?
Far. H. Scandal-monger? Not much; ef ever a woman knew how to hold her tongue when other folks’s is a-waggin’, that’s Betsey every time.
Law. P. Cruel to her children, possibly?
Far. H. I swow, I’ll begin to take you fer the fool, mister. Our children is growed up an’ in homes of the’r own, years back; an’ ez fer gran’children, ef ever an old woman made an idjit of herself over babies, it’s Betsey with them thar youngsters. She jest sp’iles them no end, an’ thar’s nobudy they sets such store by as gran’ma. You hain’t on the right track, by long odds.
Law. P. Evidently not. Suppose now, as my time is valuable, we reverse the case, and you enlighten me as to the cause of your unhappiness, instead of my wasting the minutes in making conjectures? Perhaps incompatibility of temper may cover the ground.
Far. H. In—com—what kind of temper? You beat me with them long words o’ yourn; but, mebbe you’ve struck it, this time. Thar’s no use talking, but Betsey’s that aggervatin’, she riles me so it seems like as though I’d bu’st! Ef she’d ever say a word I could stand it; but she’s that mum you can’t get a word out o’ her edgewise; you’d say, for sartain, thet she’d b’en born deaf, an’ without a tongue in her mouth.
Law. H. A woman and dumb? Ye gods! This is a reversal of the laws of nature with a vengeance! Do you mean for me to understand that your wife never speaks? How can she conduct her household?