W. B. Well, I guess I’ll go hum. If Sally should know you was here a talkin’ with me, she’d make an awful fuss.
E. S. Indeed I see no reason to fear that my domestic should interfere in any of my proceedings.
W. B. O, lawful sakes! how numb you be, elder! I didn’t allude to Sal Blake—I meant Sal Hugle. She’t you’re ingaged tew.
E. S. Engaged to Miss Hugle! You alarm me, Mrs. Be——
W. B. Now don’t undertake to deny it, Elder; everybody says it’s a fact.
E. S. Well, then, it only remains for me to assert that everybody is laboring under an entire and unmitigated mistake.
W. B. You don’t say so, Elder! Well, I declare, I do feel relieved. I couldn’t endure the idea o’ stayin’ here to see that match go off. She’s so onworthy—so different from what your companion had ort to be—and so lazy—and makes such awful poitry; and then she hain’t worth a cent in the world. But I don’t want to say a word against her; for, if you ain’t ingaged now, mabby you will be. O, Elder! promise me, dew promise me now’t you won’t marry that critter. ’Twould be a consolation to me when I’m far away on my dyin’ bed to know—[She weeps with renewed energy.] O, Elder, I’m afeared I’m a gwine to have the highsterics. I’m subjick to spasmotic affections when I’m excited and overcome.
E. S. You alarm me, Mrs. Bedott! I will hasten to the house and bring the sal volatile, which may restore you.
W. B. For the land’s sake, Elder, don’t go after Sal; she can’t dew nothin’ for me. It’ll only make talk, for she’ll tell it all round the village. Jest take that ar newspaper that sticks out o’ yer pocket, and fan me with it a leetle. There, I feel quite resusticated. I’m obliged tew ye; guess I can manage to get hum now. [She rises.] Farwell, Elder Sniffles! adoo! we part to meet no more!
E. S. Ah, Mrs. Bedott! do not speak in that mournful strain; you distress me beyond all mitigation. [He takes her hand.] Pray reseat yourself, and allow me to prolong the conversation for a short period. As I before observed, your language distresses me beyond all duration.