Capt. A. Impudent scoundrel!—“it shall go hard, but I will elude her vigilance! as I am told that the same ridiculous vanity which makes her dress up her coarse features and deck her dull chat with hard words which she don’t understand”——
Mrs. M. There, sir, an attack upon my language! what do you think of that?—an aspersion upon my parts of speech! was ever such a brute! Sure, if I reprehend anything in this world, it is the use of my oracular tongue, and a nice derangement of epitaphs.
Capt. A. He deserves to be hanged and quartered! let me see—“same ridiculous vanity”——
Mrs. M. You need not read it again, sir!
Capt. A. I beg pardon, ma’am—“does also lay her open to the grossest deceptions from flattery and pretended admiration”—an impudent coxcomb—“so that I have a scheme to see you shortly, with the old harridan’s consent, and even to make her a go-between in our interviews”—Was ever such assurance!
Mrs. M. Did you ever hear anything like it? [They rise.] He’ll elude my vigilance, will he?—yes, yes!—ha! ha! he’s very likely to enter these doors!—we’ll try who can run best!
Capt. A. So we will, ma’am—so we will—Ha! ha! ha! a conceited puppy! ha! ha! ha!—Well, but Mrs. Malaprop, as the girl seems so infatuated by this fellow, suppose you were to wink at her corresponding with him for a little time—let her even plot an elopement with him—then do you connive at her escape—while I, just in the nick, will have the fellow laid by the heels, and fairly contrive to carry her off in his stead.
Mrs. M. I am delighted with the scheme; never was anything better perpetrated.
Capt. A. But, pray, could I not see the lady for a few minutes now?—I should like to try her temper a little.
Mrs. M. Why, I don’t know—I doubt she is not prepared for a visit of this kind. There is a decorum in these matters.