Another miracle may be shewed, touching counterfeit executions, namely, that with a dagger you shall seem to kill yourself, or at the least make an irrevokable wound in your belly, as in truth not long since a juggler caused himself to be killed at a tavern in Cheapside, from thence he went presently into St. Paul’s church-yard, and there died; which misfortune fell upon him thro’ his own folly, as being drunk, and forgetting his breast-plate, which he should have had for his defence. The device is this, you must prepare a pasteboard to be made according to the fashion of your belly and breast, the same must be by a painter, well coloured cunningly, not only like to your flesh, but with paps, navel, hair, &c. so as the same being handsomely trussed unto you, may shew to be your natural belly; then next to your true belly you may put a linen cloth, and thereupon a double plate, which the juggler that killed himself forgot; over and upon the which, you may place the false belly; provided always, that betwixt the plate and the false belly, you place a gut of blood, which blood must be of a calf, or of a sheep, but in no wise of an ox, or cow, for that will be too thick, then thrust, or cause to be thrust into your breast a dagger, so far as it may pierce thro’ you, which being pulled out a good distance from you, especially if you strain your body to swell, and thrust therewith against the plate. You must ever remember to use words, countenance, and posture, such a grace as may give a grace to the action, and move admiration to the beholders. Prize this as a valuable secret.
How to cut a man’s head off, and to put the head into a platter, a yard from his body.
This is a noble action if it be well handled by a skilful hand. To shew this feat of execution, you must cause a board, a cloth, and a platter to be purposely made, and in each of them to be made holes fit for a body’s neck, the board must be made of two planks, the longer and broader the better, there must be left within half a yard of the end of each plank half a hole, so as both the planks being thrust together, there may remain two holes like to the holes in a pair of stocks, there must be made likewise a hole in the cloth, a platter also must be set directly over or upon one of them, having a hole in the middle thereof, of the like quantity, and also a piece cut off the same, so big as his neck, through which his head may be conveyed into the middle of the platter, and then sitting, or kneeling under the board, let the head only remain upon the board, in the frame; then to make the sight more dreadful, put a little brimstone into a chaffing-dish of coals, setting it before the head of the boy, who must gasp two or three times so as the smoke may enter his nostrils and mouth, which is not unwholesome, and the head presently will appear stark dead; if the boy set his countenance accordingly, and if a little blood be sprinkled on his face, the sight will be the stranger. This is commonly practised with a boy instructed for that purpose, who being familiar and conversant with company, may be known as well by his face, as by his apparel; in the other end of the table, where the like hole is made, another boy of the bigness of the known boy must be placed; having on his usual apparel, he must lean or lie upon the board; and must put his head under the board through the said hole, so as his body shall seem to lie on the one end of the board, and his head shall lie in a platter in the other end. There are other things which might be performed in this action, the more to astonish the beholders, which, because they require long descriptions, I omit; as, to put about his neck a little dough kneaded with bullocks blood, which, being cold will appear like dead flesh, and being pricked with a sharp round hollow quill, will bleed, and seem very strange, and many rules are to be observed herein; as to have the tablecloth so long and so wide as it may almost reach the ground. Note, suffer not the company to stay too long in the place.
To seem to turn water into wine.
Take four beer glasses, rub one in the inside with a piece of allum, let the second have a drop of vinegar in it, the third empty, and then take a mouthful of clean water, and a clean rag, with ground brasil tied close in it, the bulk may be no bigger than a small nut, which must lie betwixt your hind teeth, and your cheek, then take of the water out of the glass into your mouth, and return it into the glass that hath the drop of vinegar in it, which will cause it to have the perfect colour of sack; then turn it into your mouth again, and chew your rag of brasil, and squirt the liquor into the glass, and it will have the perfect colour and smell of claret; returning the brasil into its former place, take the liquor into your mouth again, and presently squirt it into the glass you rubbed with allum, and it will have the perfect colour of mulberry wine.
To make sport with an egg.
If you are drinking in company, or otherwise, that you are disposed to make sport; have ready a penny-worth of quick-silver, in a quill sealed at both ends with good hard wax, then cause an egg to be roasted or boiled, and take off a small bit of the shell of the narrow end, then thrust in your quill of quick-silver, and lay the egg on the ground; you shall have sport enough, for it will never leave tumbling about as long as there is any heat in it.
So likewise if you put quick-silver in a sheep’s bladder and blow it up, and when you have a mind to have sport, then go to the fire and warm the bladder, and fling it on the ground, and it will jump and skip about for a long time, and make all the company laugh, and think the bladder is bewitched.