What are the special needs of youth upon which the family may base a reasonable program for their higher needs?
First, the need of sound physical health. This is a period of physical adjustment. Rapid bodily growth is nearly or quite at an end; new functions are asserting themselves. The new demands for directed activity may, under the ambitious impulses of youth, make undue drafts on the energies. The apparent moodiness that at times characterizes this period may be due to poor health. The moral strain of the period will need sound muscles and good health. Parents who would sit up all night—perhaps involuntarily—when the baby has the colic treat with indifference sickness in youth and too readily assume that the young man or the young woman will outgrow these physical ills. But bodily maladjustment or incapacity has most serious character effects. To live the right life and render high service one needs to be a whole person, with opportunity to give undivided attention and undiminished powers to the struggle of life.
Secondly, this is peculiarly the period of the joy of friendships. The social nature must have its food. This young man has discovered that the world consists of something besides things; it is full of people. He is just learning that they are all persons like himself. He enters the era of conscious personal relationships. He would explore the realm of personality. He touches great heights of happiness as other lives are opened to him. It is all new and wonderful, this realm of personality, with its aspects of feeling, thinking, willing, and longing.
§ 3. MAINTAINING FRIENDSHIP WITH YOUTH
Do parents know how hungry their older children are for their friendship? They will never tell us, for this world is too new and strange for facile description; they are always bashful about their hunger for persons until they find the same hunger and joy in us. We imagine that they are indifferent to us; the trouble is we are hidden from them. We seldom give them a chance to talk as friend to friend, not about trifling things, but about life itself and what it means. Perhaps at no point do parents exhibit less ability for sympathetic reconstruction and interpretation of their own lives than here. They recall the pleasures of childhood and provide those pleasures for the children. Why not recall the hunger of eighteen years of age and give these youths the very bread of our own inner selves? Or do we, when they ask this bread, give them the stone of mere provision for their physical needs or the scorpion of careless indulgence in things that debase the tastes?
One perplexing phenomenon must not be overlooked: it will often happen that young people pass through a period of what appears to be parental aversion. There will sometimes seem to be suspicion, violent opposition, and even hatred of parents. This is no occasion for despair. It is a stage of development. It is due to the attempt of a will now realizing its freedom under social conditions to adapt itself to the will that has hitherto directed it. To some degree the sex consciousness, which leads to viewing the parents in a new light, may enter in. It may be easily made permanent, however, if parents do not do two things: first, adjust themselves and their methods to the new social freedom of the youth, and, secondly, fling open the doors into their true selves now fully understandable by these men and women.
But the family life must make provision for the wider friendships of youth. Somewhere this insatiable appetite for the reality of lives will feed. Groups of friends your young man and woman will find somewhere. If they cannot bring them into your home they will go elsewhere. You can scarce pay any price too high for the opportunity that comes when they are perfectly free to have their friends with them and with you, when home becomes the natural place of the social meetings of youth. If you are afraid of the wear on the furniture you may keep your furniture, but you will lose a life or lives. Here is the opportunity of the home to enter a wider ministry, to be a place of the joy of friendships to many lives.
§ 4. AT THE DOOR OF A NEW WORLD
As through friendships the youth enters and explores this wonderful realm of personality he will find some persons more wonderful than others. Those instincts of which he is largely unconscious will impel him to make a selection. The same law is operative with the young woman. Mating is normally always first on the higher levels of personalities; it first calls itself friendship, nor does it think farther. But father and mother, if they have the least spiritual vision, stand in awe as they see their children taking their first evident steps toward home-making. What an opportunity is theirs!
Yet here, as the home faces its duty toward a family yet to be, is just where some of the most serious mistakes are made. This is no time for teasing and jesting, still less for mocking ridicule. If you treat this essentially sacred step as a joke it will not be strange if the young people follow suit and take marriage as a yet larger joke. The home is the place where the home is treated most irreverently. Of course one must not take too seriously those "calf" courtships, prematurely fostered by boys and girls, under the pressure of the high-school tendency to anticipate all of life's riper experiences. But even here jesting and teasing will only tend to confirm and make permanent what would be but a temporary aberration. In that case either silence or kindly, simple advice will help most of all.