The Puddleford Papers; Or, Humors of the West

by Henry Hiram Riley

The fate of Aunt Sonora was about as melancholy as that of the Squire. She was somehow drawn into the tide, and as the good old lady could not move fast, the current that passed her on each side rolled her round and round, as she stood, first one way and then the other, until she became completely peeled of her outer clothes. Cries were jerked out of her in a spasmodic way, as she could catch her breath. "Massy—massy! O, massy—me! I'm—k-i-l-l-'d!" and many more heart-rending exclamations she uttered; but it was the great caravan that was coming, and she was neither heard nor heeded. When she escaped, she looked as if she had been plucked of all her feathers; she, however, quietly slid into the house of Mrs. Longbow, which was near by, for repairs. When she found herself able to speak, she declared, "if that was the way the caravan was a-goin' to use folks, she hop'd lite-ning would strike 'em 'fore they got out-er the settlement—they'd sp'ilt her shillin' caliker dress, and she wouldn't gin it for all the monkeys the confounded consarn had."

But the caravan moved on regardless of accidents, and the music grew stronger and stronger, as it approached nearer and nearer; and as the breeze cast aside the dust, men, and horses, and wagons were seen moving forward, solemnly preceded by an elephant, which carried a stately looking gentleman upon his tusks, according to the representation on the bill. As the procession approached the village, its extent and magnificence began to dwindle. Alas! three wagons and one sickly-looking elephant comprised the whole affair. The people were evidently very much disappointed. The bill was a very large bill, and they did not see how it was possible for the few vehicles that came into town, to hold all the live stock which had been promised.

Squire Longbow still stood in the corner of the rail fence, looking out for the lion, for he had pledged his reputation to the Puddlefordians that the lion should be all that he had promised. He didn't know whether he would come on foot or not, housed or open; but the Squire saw no lion, nor any place for one.

Bigelow was busy sharply scenting out the "Ich-nu-men, celebrated in Holy Writ," as the bill declared. He felt it to be his duty to take a kind of guardianship over the Ich-nu-men, while he might favor Puddleford with his presence, because he was associated with Holy Writ; but Bigelow could not find him anywhere, living or dead, kicking or stuffed. He was much disappointed, but took courage from the hope that he was shut up from vulgar gaze in one of the strong cages.

The musicians still blowed their blast, as the cavalcade wound its way through the principal streets. The bill declared that the band was the celebrated "Boston Band," led by Monsieur Huzzleguget, and, according to that, it was composed of some twenty-four performers, drawn by six fiery steeds, attached to a Grecian chariot, driven by one elegant-looking gentleman, heavily whiskered, who must have been some six feet high; but, alas! the band itself that led on the animals through the streets of Puddleford consisted of only four seedy-looking performers, who carried three rusty copper horns and a bass drum, which was beat by a melancholy-looking boy. The three horn-men had blown their faces as round as pumpkins, and as red, too; or something besides wind, perhaps, had blown the color into their faces, for they occasionally took something to drink, during the heat of the exercises, from a bottle which they kept under the seat of the chariot.

The chariot was a large high-boarded wagon, and painted red, and was drawn by a couple of jaded "tugs," who showed plainly enough that their days were fast drawing to a close. But the music still blowed, and the procession moved on, and the Puddlefordians were as much delighted as if the proclamation had been fully realized.

Up went the canvas, and the show prepared to open. The hurry to enter was most marvellous—such a crowd Puddleford never saw before. Even Squire Longbow could not wait until the doors were actually opened. He was bewitched to see the great African lion. The Squire, as a peace-officer, ordered the crowd to keep back, in reality for the purpose of giving him and Mrs. Longbow a better chance; but the Squire's commands were entirely disregarded; he had sunk down to the level of a mere citizen; he was stripped of all his power; it was the great caravan day, and who cared for a justice of the peace on such an occasion?

Aunt Sonora having repaired the disasters of the forenoon, had determined to see the fun out. She had put on her "'t'other frock," and looked as well as she did before she had been peeled through the morning multitude. The doors were opened at last, and the "rush" entered, and in a few moments the canvas was alive with human beings. The grand caravan now on exhibition was originally the fag-end of a large concern, which had been bought up by sharpers to swindle the people. I say, originally, because this fag-end had been divided up into three smaller fag-ends which were out in different parts of the new country scouring around for money. The Puddleford fag-end had a runt of a lion, who was very evidently on his last legs; for he had been travelled until his hair was worn entirely off, and his spirits exhausted. It was very clear that he was showing himself for about the last time. The elephant was diseased, and the tiger was about four times the size of a cat. There were three dirty-looking monkeys in a cage eating crackers and hickory nuts, and chatting and throwing shucks through the bars at the gaping crowd—an ichneumon—a black bear, the only hearty fellow in the concern—and a mussy-looking ostrich, who had lost his tail-feathers in his peregrinations through the globe. This was the caravan.

Aunt Sonora entered, trembling.—"Dear me! dear me! dear me!" she uttered to herself as she went in; "and so this is really the great caravan; if the animals should get loose—and there—O, there—is that the lion!" she exclaimed involuntarily to those around her, starting back, as she saw the bars of a cage in the distance,—"are them bars iron?" she exclaimed, looking frightened.

"Walk up! walk up!" exclaimed the keeper, as he saw several persons standing back; "the lion is one of the most docile animals we have, ladies and gentlemen; he never bites, ladies and gentlemen; got him in a strong cage; walk up, ladies and gentlemen, and see the li-on, the monarch of the forest, as he is called."