The Puddleford Papers; Or, Humors of the West

by Henry Hiram Riley

She declared that "he was the splendidest man she ever see'd—that she thought that Jim Barton was something of a feller once—but, O, pshaw! he warn't nothin'. Mr. Howard Tinkham had such a poetical eye, and such tap'rin' hands, and then he was so much slimmer-er than Jim Barton, and he walked off so peert like—and then he talked so bu-tiful—all about the Venuses, and the God-es-es, and she did not know how many more things, that she never heer'd of afore in all her born days. Jim Barton didn't know nothin' 'bout anything—he couldn't say boo afore Mr. Howard Tinkham—he was sich a man, Mr. Howard Tinkham was—he know'd everything—how many pretty stories he had told her—O, pshaw! talk about Jim Barton."

Miss Lavinia ran on in the most extravagant terms, at all times and places, about Mr. Howard Tinkham, and she positively refused to speak to, or notice Jim Barton, for six months after Tinkham came in.

Mrs. Swipes, Bird, Longbow, Aunt Sonora, and all were bewitched with Mrs. Tinkham. Mrs. Swipes presented Mrs. Tinkham with a dried-apple pie within an hour after her arrival, at the same time informing her that "it would come right handy while they were putting things to rights—and that if there was anything else—any—thing—no matter what—that she had in her house, to come over and take it right away, and ask no questions. She wanted her to be at home in her house, jist as long as they liv'd in Puddleford."

Mrs. Tinkham thought Mrs. Swipes was a very accommodating woman.

Mrs. Longbow sent a ham—Mrs. Bird a loaf of "Injun," as she called it—and as Mrs. Swipes knew what Mrs. Longbow had sent, and as Mrs. Longbow ascertained what Mrs. Swipes had sent, and as Mrs. Bird discovered by inquiry "round about," what they both sent, and as the rest of the Puddleford ladies made it their business to know what they all had sent, and as they were determined not to be outdone by the upper crust, who they declared were no better than they were, and couldn't do any more than they could do, the consequence was that the Tinkhams began to think that they had reached the promised land, and that the windows of Heaven were opened, and showering down blessings broadcast upon them.

The Tinkhams were in raptures with Puddleford. Mrs. Swipes called two or three times a day to know how they got along—to know if Mary Jane Arabella could not come in and "chore around a little while they were settlin'"—that she know'd what it was "to get fix'd"—to know if "there warn't sumthin' she could do."

Mrs. Longbow was very anxious to find out "when Mrs. Tinkham could come over and spend a sociable afternoon—it seemed as if she couldn't wait."

Mrs. Bird declared that "she would have the first visit—that she'd say flat-footed."

The Tinkhams were certainly very much in love with Puddleford. They had positively never seen anything like it. The impression which they had made exceeded all their expectations. They did not see how they could ever repay the manifestations of its people.

But this paroxysm of attention in time passed away. The Tinkhams in time—and in a very short time, too—fell from their high position. Mrs. Tinkham did call first upon Mrs. Longbow, and she and all the other Tinkhams were ruined from that day.