These candidates for office had a "platform," a part of which was intended for Puddleford, and a part for their common country—some planks of which were thrown in merely to catch votes, and some for future fame. Wiggins said he was for "giving immortal man full swing inter all things, and letting his natur fly loose like the winds." He was "for driving the American eagle inter every land, whether she'd go or not." He was "for a railroad and canal straight thro' Puddleford, to be built by the state, under the penalty of a revolution." He was "agin rich men everywhere, for they trampled down the poor." He was "for upsetting Longbow and his clique, and declared he would bring in a bill, if elected, that would blow the whole set out of sight." He was for "easy times," "plenty of cash," "little or no work," "good crops," and everything else the people wanted.
Higgins was for "breaking down, and scat'ring locofocos everywhere." He went "for everything that's right, and agin everything that's wrong." He was for "beating Wiggins." He could "show that he hadn't patriotism enough to keep the breath warm in a four year old child! there warn't a spark of American glory in him. He wanted to sell out the whole country to the British, and would if elected! Besides, he kicked up a fuss in Bigelow's church, about the doctrines preached, and damaged religion." Higgins, it seemed to me, based his success upon the supposed unpopularity of Wiggins, and not upon any political principles of his own, while Wiggins relied upon the great fundamental truths that were shadowed forth in his platform.
There were other questions which agitated the populace of Puddleford and its county, such as the sale of liquor, the removal of the Indians, &c., &c., which both Higgins and Wiggins touched very tenderly, because it became necessary to advocate both sides, sometimes for and sometimes against, according to the views of those persons who happened at the time to be soliciting information.
During the fall, I had the pleasure of hearing these two rival aspirants for office define their position before the people. The gathering was in a grove, very large for a new country, and made up of men, women, and children. Flags and inscriptions were flying here and there, some for Higgins and some for Wiggins, and every person was as brimful of patriotism as he could hold.
Wiggins rose, and presented himself on a high platform that had been erected for the occasion, pulled up his collar, buttoned his coat, coughed a few times, and then took a leisurely survey of the crowd. "Feller citizens! men and women!" said he, "there is going to be an election, and I'm a-goin to run for office. Not that I care anything about the office itself, for I don't, a tinker's ladle, but I want to beat Higgins, who never ought to be trusted with the liberties of any people, and I'm willing to sacrifice something to do it. Feller citizens! I want to have you recollect where Higgins lives—at 'Satan's Half Acre!'—where they don't have any Fourth of July; no Sunday school, only about two months a year; and the same place, feller citizens, where they mobbed the temperance lecturer, and swore they'd drink streak-lightning if they were a-min-to! (Great applause, and cheers for Wiggins, mingled with oaths and hisses from Higgins' friends.) Feller citizens, Higgins is a leading man there, and accountable for all this; and if he is elected, we shall indorse all these doings."—A man from the "Half Acre," one of Higgins' friends, rose, and said he'd take the liberty of saying that was an "infarnal lie." Wiggins replied, by inquiring "if the meeting would see free discussion gagged down, here, in the presence of the immortal Washington, who, he hoped, was looking down on-to us!" whereupon the unfortunate man was pitched, headlong, out of the crowd. "Arter having looked at where Higgins lives," continued Wiggins, "look at Higgins himself! what is he? what does he know? what can he do? Why, feller citizens, he was born down somewhere in a place so small, that it ain't on the map, and started life by tending a lime-kiln; but he broke down in this business, and was discharged. He next tried to go to school, but there warn't any class low down enough to get him into. He then tried hoss doct'ring; and you, feller citizens, know when a man turns out good-for-nothing, he goes rite into the larned professions. He tried hoss doct'ring! and, after laying out ten or a dozen of those noble animals inter the cold embrace of death (applause), he ran away to get rid of a summons that was clus arter him! Then he fiddled for a while winters, and laid off summers; then he druv stage, then he got-tor-be captain of a raft, his first office; but he stranded her, and she's never been got off yet. At last, he went to 'Satan's Half Acre,' where he thinks he ain't known, and actually, feller citizens, has the impudence to come up for office. (Great applause.)
"Now," continued Wiggins, "having disposed of Higgins, I am going to launch out on the great political questions of the day—questions that swell up in me, and fairly make me tremble all over, to think on. We've a mighty sight to do, to take care of them liberties that was 'queathed to us by Gen'ral Washington, jest before he died. The old hero know'd he was a-going, but afore he went, he give us our liberty, and said all that he asked on us was to take care on it, and not let anybody steal or coax it away from us, but always hold on to it like a dog to a root. If it hadn't been for our party," exclaimed Wiggins, in a loud voice, "that great American eagle that has flew'd so long, and kivered our juvenil' years with his wings—that eagle, feller citizens, that sleeps on the ragin tornado, and warms himself in the sun—that eagle, I say—that eagle! eagle! would now be as dead as a smelt, lying on his back, a-groaning for help. (Great applause, and three cheers.) (Wiggins said he hoped the audience would hold in their manifestations of applause as much as they could, as it scattered his thoughts.) The fust whig," continued Wiggins, "that we have any notis' on in his'try, is the old feller with tail and horns, who goes to and fro, up and down the airth; and he, you know, stole all-er Job's property, killed off his children, and came pretty near killing the old man himself. The next was John Adams, who didn't want anybody to come into the country, nor say nothing after they had got here. He, feller citizens, was for exploding all the glories of natur, and drying up the etarnal fountains of hope and consolation—for turning man back again into the regions of confusion, where all is night and misery! (Very great applause, followed by a flight of hats in the air.) The next whig was everybody that supported old John, such as Higgins and his party.
"Now, feller citizens, what's the reason you hain't got any more money? It's because the laws ain't right. Man was born to have enough of everything. This is a big world we live in—it ram'fys itself all round the 'quator, and its mountains diversify themselves into infinity. You own your part on't just as much as the greatest nabob; and all you've got to do is to stand up to the rack, vote for true men, and you'll get it; and it's your duty to rise in your wrath, break the chains of oppression, and declare that you'll never lay down the sword until the last enemy is routed." (More applause.) Here a solemn-faced man rose, and asked Wiggins to define himself on the "licker question." "Thank you, sir," replied Wiggins—"was just comin' to that." "The licker question—the licker question," continued Wiggins, speaking with gravity, for there was a great division of opinion among his hearers on that subject—"the licker question, feller citizens, is a great question. Some people drink, some don't—some drink a little, some a good deal. The licker question is a question that a great many folks talk about. I talk about it myself, and" (the same man rose again, and ask'd Wiggins if he would "vote agin licker?" Wiggins said "it throw'd him off his balance, to be disturb'd in public speaking")—"everybody know'd how he stood on that pint—he'd never chang'd; he stood where his forefathers did; he went the whole hog on the licker question"—("Which side?" inquired the man.) "Which side? which side?" ejaculated Wiggins: "do you wanter trammel up a free and inderpendent citizen of this mighty republic! How do I know, here, what I shall be called upon to vote for or agin! Ask me to say I'll vote agin something that hain't come up yet! When David knocked over the great giant Goliah, do you 'spose he knew just where he'd throw the stone to hit him." "Yes-sir-ee," exclaimed Higgins, springing on his feet "he did that very thing." Wiggins "hoped order would be preserved. I shall leave to the expansive development of the times," continued Wiggins, his arms flying like a windmill, "the blazing energies of the day, and cling to the constitution till it goes out inter the expiring regions of oblivion." (Three cheers were given.)
Wiggins sat down, evidently quite exhausted; and I noticed that he had made a decided impression. Higgins rose, stripped off his coat and vest, rolled up his shirt-sleeve, stuffed a quarter-paper of tobacco into his cheek, and "ascended the platform." He said he was a humble citizen, and warn't com'd of rich or larned folks—he had tended lime-kiln—he had doctor'd hosses—he had druv stage; and he was goin' to drive and doctor a jackass. (Much cheering.) He had always worked for his living. He'd give five dollars to any man who'd tell him where Wiggins was born, or show that he ever did anything. He lived on the sweat, and the blood, and the brains of the people. He'd tended grocery, peddled calickers, try'd to talk law once, and was now on a farm, just for appearance' sake. For himself, he was a humble link in the great whig chain. (Ike Turtle said he s'posed he was that link called the swivel.) Higgins, with an affected pleasantry, asked Turtle "how long it was since he run'd away from the State of New York, for debt?" Turtle replied, that "Wiggins ought to know, for he was along with him"—whereupon a tremendous shout was raised in favor of Turtle. Higgins rallied and proceeded. He said "he warn't goin' to talk about the devil, and John Adams—he didn't know nothing about either on 'em—it was entirely agin his religion to speak of such things before such a 'spectable audience. (Some sensation.) What he wanted to do was, to carry the great, etar-nal, glorious principles of his party rite strait inter every mortal being, and save the country, which now lies bleeding at its last gasp." (Ike asked Higgins to "throw him down a bundle of them principles, and if they suited him, he'd take a few.")
Somebody told Turtle to sit down, whereupon Turtle appealed to the crowd, and inquired if they'd see a citizen gagged down. ("No! no!" was the reply.)
Higgins went on. He said Wiggins warn't so near straight on the licker question as his yaller dog at hum, for his dog never got drunk, and Wiggins did, sometimes. ("That's a lie!" exclaimed Wiggins.) "Of course he'll deny it, feller citizens—I would, if I was in his place—but I, feller citizens, without fear of man, not caring about an election, step forth, and say to you all, in the full blaze of day, that I'll do all for the cause that lies in my power, having in view the interests of everybody in this republic." (Applause.)