Good Vicar of Wakefield![14] man of many sorrows, we greet thee in our reminiscences, sitting in thine happier days beneath the elm that shades thy rustic roof, as, under the influence of thy much loved pipe, thou inculcatest to the youthful circle around thee maxims of truth and piety. What peculiar feelings of veneration must we attach to these pipes and snuff-boxes. Without them, indeed—with such a true knowledge of life are they introduced—the stories would lose half their force, and nearly all their effect. How naturally do we associate with a smoker, a blandness and evenness of voice and gesture, which we can by no means ascribe to men in common. The same almost in regard to the snuff-box: the mind seems to acquire a polish and fire at its very sight. Nay, absolutely such is our profound respect for the sympathising herb, that even the quids of poor Lieutenant Bowling[15] himself would appear venerable in our eyes were they but in existence.
Lowering our Pegasus a peg or two from the loftier flights of conception, we will proceed more immediately to analyze the merits of these legitimate offsprings of the parent plant, smoking and snuff-taking; first of all, however, having recourse to a pinch of Welsh, to clear our head for so arduous an undertaking. That smoking and snuff-taking have, as habits pernicious to the health, been attacked repeatedly by the heads of science, is no less true than that they have escaped each intended flagellation, and thrived under the fostering lip and nose of a discerning public. Previous, however, to proceeding further, we shall take a review of the different enemies arrayed against the good old customs we have had handed down to us from our fathers. These may most generally, we think, be divided into three classes—the ladies,—physicians, and a certain class of thin and pallid gentlemen, remarkable for the delicate susceptibility of their noses.
The ladies of England designate smoking and snuffing, filthy and dirty habits. If you chance, dear reader, to ask why—because—because—they are vile and dirty habits, and thereby—‘hangs a tale.’ Then, as a matter of course, comes to be cited a list of the most gentlemanly men, young and old, who are never guilty of committing the sin. Now, what does all this come to?—that they do dislike the habits, and therefore none but brutes, among the more refined orders, would think of annoying them by practising either in their sweet presence. The understandings of women generally, in comparison with those of men, are proverbially weak. Following the erratic course of the first of their sex, who brought misery and woe upon the devoted head of man, they in turn would fain deprive him of his two cheapest comforts, left to console him in this vale of sorrow.
Reader, if thou should’st chance to be a married man, when thy rib—so vulgarly called in epitome, though perchance the better half of thyself—rails against thy only consolation in domestic broils,—smoking—answer not, we beseech thee. No, not a word of the volume of eloquence we fancy rising indignantly in thy throat, against the cruel calumnies levelled at thy favorite Virginia, as thou valuest the safety of thy tube, whether Dutch or Merschaum. The voice of an angel would not avail thee in thy cause.
With reference to the faculty, though divided in opinions, we shall only notice those arrayed against the plant divine. Indeed, the enmity of a physician dependent upon his profession for support may be always known; he detests anything cheap and soothing, conducive to health, and thence his frequent antipathy to tobacco in smoking. In regard to snuff he is wisely meek; for what were he himself without the stimulating dust in his pocket? In former times, indeed, its influence perhaps was greater and more respected than the wig and cane together, as Swift says:—
“Sir Plume, of Amber snuff-box, justly vain,
And the nice conduct of a clouded cane.”
Well, and what do the faculty say with reference to smoking? Some will tell you it is hurtful to the lungs; others, that the head and heart are more particularly affected by it; very few of them agreeing precisely as to ill effects to be attributed to it.
Grant us patience to bear such ingratitude! While they are indebted for their consequence and fluency of discourse, to the wit-inspiring influence of the herb in grain, they are running it down in another and not less delightful preparation and form. Then, by way of conclusion, like a crier of last dying speeches, comes to be related the death of some very promising young man, who, through the frequent habit of smoking, which he practised against the continued advice of the grave Monitor—made his exit in a consumption. So if a man habituated to the pleasures of a pipe goes off in a consumption, the anti-smokers must immediately assert it was brought on by the use of tobacco. How do we know, indeed, but that its magic influence kept him alive much longer than he would have been, without it: supposing—and we suppose it only for the sake of argument, that one or two, nay, say twenty in the thousand, suffer in their health through smoking,—the abuse and not the use of which we candidly admit may slightly impair some peculiar constitutions,—where is the recreant who does not, feeling the joys of smoking, say with us, a “short life and a merry one!” What, after all, are a few years in the scale of human existence! Is the fear of losing one or two of their number, to deter us from availing ourselves of innocent pleasures within our reach?—if so, London, methinks, would soon be deserted by the scientific and intelligent portion of its inhabitants, merely because the Thames water chances to be a little poisonous, or so, and the air of the town notoriously unhealthy.
By the same silly fear, too, the gourmand must abstain from the pleasures of the table,—fashionables from late hours, and the army and navy from hard drinking; in all of which the aforesaid, like true spirits, exclusively delight and take a pride; doubtless, inspired in seeking to indulge in what our own bard, Byron, says:
“aught that gave,
Hope of a pleasure, or peril of a grave.”