London Labour and the London Poor, Vol. 4

by Henry Mayhew

Women in Afghanistan are sold to the men. A marriage is a commercial transaction. The practice is recognised by the Moslem law, and is here, as in most parts of Asia, universally adopted. The price varies, of course, according to the condition of the bridegroom or his friends. Females, consequently, are in some measure regarded as property. They are in absolute subjection to the other sex. A husband may at any time, from mere caprice, and without assigning any reason, divorce his wife; but a woman cannot, unless she have good grounds, and sue for the separation before a magistrate. Even this is seldom done. When a widow marries, the friends of her first husband may claim the price that was originally paid for her; but usually the brother of the deceased inherits this property, and any one else usurping his privilege becomes a mortal enemy. However, the widow is not forced to take a new partner against her will. Indeed, if she have children with claims upon her care, it is considered more respectable to lead a single life.

In the lower regions of India, on the warm plains, we find marriage contracts fulfilled at a very early age. In the colder climate of Kabul they are left to a later period in life—men being wedded at twenty, women at about fifteen years of age. The time varies, however, with different classes. Among the poor, with whom the price of a wife is not easily to be amassed, the men often remain unmarried until forty, and the women till twenty-five. On the other hand, the rich frequently take brides of twelve to bridegrooms of fifteen, or even earlier, before either of them has attained puberty. Those living in towns and in Western Afghanistan marry earlier than those dwelling in the pastoral districts and in the eastern parts. These often wait until twenty-five, until the chin is thoroughly covered with beard, and the man is in all respects mature. The Ghiljies are still more prudent in this respect. In most parts of the country, nevertheless, the date of marriage is determined by the individual’s ability to purchase a wife, provide a home, and support a family. Usually men form alliances within the blood of their own tribe; but many Afghans take also Tavjik and Persian women. It is not considered disreputable to take a wife from those nations; but it is held below the dignity of the Durani race to bestow a wife on a stranger, and this, consequently, is seldom or never done.

The intercourse of the sexes is regulated by various circumstances, many of them accidental. In the crowded towns, where the men have little opportunity of converse with the women, matches are generally made with views of family policy, and contracted through the agency of a go-between. When a man has fixed on any particular girl to be his wife, he sends some female relation or neighbour to see her and report to him upon her qualifications. If the account be satisfactory, the same agent ascertains from the girl’s mother whether her family are favourable to the match; should all this prove well, arrangements are made for a public proposal. On an appointed day the suitor’s father goes with a party of male relations to the young woman’s father, while a similar deputation of females waits on her mother, and the offer is made in customary form. Various presents are also sent, the dowry is settled, a feast is prepared, and the betrothal takes place. Some time after, when both man and woman have mutually, by free consent, signed the articles of agreement—which stipulate for a provision for the wife in case of divorce—the union is completed at a festival, and the bride is delivered, on payment of her price, at the dwelling of her future master.

In the country, formalities very similar take place; but, as women there go unveiled, and the intercourse of the sexes is less restricted, the marriage generally originates in a personal attachment between the wedded pair, and the negotiations are only matters of etiquette. An enterprising lover may also obtain his mistress, without gaining the consent of her parents, by tearing away her veil, cutting off a lock of her hair, or throwing a large white cloth over her, and declaring her to be his lawful and affianced wife. After this no other suitor would propose for her, and she is usually bestowed on the bold lover, though he cannot escape paying some price for his wife. Such expedients are, therefore, seldom resorted to. When a man desires a girl for whom he cannot pay, and who reciprocates his affection, the common plan is to elope. This is, indeed, considered by her family as an outrage equivalent to the murder of one of its members, and pursued with equally rancorous revenge, but the possession of the wife is at least secured. The fugitive couple take refuge in the territories of some other tribe, and find the hospitable protection which is accorded by the Afghans to every guest, and still more to every suppliant.

Among the Eusufzies different customs prevail. A man never sees his bride until the marriage rites are completed. The Beduranis, also, maintain great reserve between the youth and the girl betrothed one to another. Sometimes a man goes to the house of his future father-in-law, and labours, as Jacob laboured for Rachael, without being allowed to see his destined wife until the day for the ceremony has arrived. With many of the Afghan tribes a similar rule is nominally laid down, but a secret intercourse is countenanced between the bridegroom and future bride. It is called Naumzud bauzee, or the sport of the betrothed. The young man steals by night to the house of his affianced, pretending to conceal his presence altogether from the knowledge of the men, who would affect to consider it a great scandal. He is favoured by the girl’s mother, who privately conducts him to an interior apartment, where he is left alone with his beloved until the approach of morning. He is allowed the freest intercourse with her, he may converse with her as he pleases, he may kiss her, and indulge in all other innocent freedoms; but the young people are under the strongest cautions and prohibitions to refrain from anticipating the nuptial night. “Nature, however,” says Mountstuart Elphinstone, “is too strong for such injunctions, and the marriage begins with all the difficulty and interest of an illicit amour.” Cases have not unfrequently occurred in which the bride has been delivered of two or three children before being formally received into her husband’s house. This, however, is regarded as extremely scandalous, and seldom happens among the more respectable Afghans. However, the custom of Naumzud bauzee prevails with men of the highest rank, and the king himself sometimes enjoys its midnight pleasures.

Though polygamy is allowed by the Mohammedan laws, it is too expensive to be practised by the bulk of the people. The legal number of wives is four; but many of the rich exceed this, and maintain a crowd of concubines besides. Two wives and two female slaves form a liberal establishment for a man of the middle class; while the poor are obliged to be content with one companion.

The social condition of the female sex in Afghanistan is low, as it must be in all countries where women are bought and sold. The wives of the rich, indeed, secluded in the recesses of the harem, are allowed to enjoy all the comforts and luxuries within reach of their husband’s wealth. This, however, is more to please the man, than indulge the women, though many husbands really love their wives, and are influenced to a considerable degree by their desires. In general, however, it is to enjoy the pride of having a beautiful wife in his zenana, with all the appliances of opulence to render her gracious and dainty.

Among the poorer classes the women perform the drudgery of the house and carry water. Those of the most barbarous tribes share the labours of the field; but nowhere are they employed as in India, where there is scarcely any difference between the toils of the sexes. A man by the Mohammedan law is allowed to chastise his wife by beating. Custom, however, is more chivalrous and merciful than the written code, and lays it down as disgraceful for a man to avail himself of this privilege of his sex.

Though many women of the higher ranks learn to read, and exhibit considerable talents for literature, it is reckoned immodest for a female to write, as that accomplishment might be made use of to intrigue by correspondence with a lover.

Many families have all their household affairs, and many even their general customs, controlled by women. These sometimes correspond for their sons. It is usually the mother who enjoys this influence, but the wives also frequently rise to ascendancy; and all the advantages conferred on him by the Mohammedan law frequently fail to save a man from sinking to a secondary position in his own house. All domestic amusements indulged in by men are, among the lower and more estimable orders, shared by the women.