Among some tribes these preliminary meetings are conducted with much ceremony; in all they are often the first interviews which the husband has with the woman who is to be his wife. When once, however, a part of the required amount is paid, neither can retract without disgrace. Ruptures, indeed, rarely, if ever, take place; partly because no young girl dare to assert a will of her own, and partly because the man does not care to rebel against a union which he is free to break when he desires.
Frequently, however, the bride and bridegroom, during their preliminary visits, anticipate the final nuptial ceremony; in which case this is usually hastened, though the whole amount of kalym may not have been paid. They are led, richly clothed if possible, into a tent, where various rites are performed. The husband then departs, but immediately comes again on horseback and demands his wife. Her parents refuse to yield her, when he enters, bears her off by force, places her across his saddle, and gallops away to his tent, which during many hours after is sacred against all intruders. This custom, however, is not universal.
If a man finds his wife not to be a virgin, he may disgrace her, send her home, and demand from her father the restitution of the kalym, or one of his other daughters who happens to be chaste, without payment.
As every woman brings with her dowry a new tent, so each wife, when a man has more than one, dwells in a separate habitation. The first is styled the “rich wife,” and exercises superior authority over all the rest. Though she may have disgusted her husband, he is bound to distinguish her by respect; while the others, entirely equal among themselves, remain always in a certain dependence on her. Prudent husbands divide even the flocks belonging to the different women, that the children of each may justly inherit her property. The chief wife may quit her husband, if she can show any grave cause for separation, and return to her parents, but the others have not that privilege.
The manners of the Kirghiz women are in general simple and courteous; and the conduct of the men towards them, though often rude, gross, and contemptuous, is frequently also polite and deferential. The love songs of the desert are some of them exceedingly poetical; and the pictures drawn by Tartar improvisatori of their mistresses are full of passion and adulation.
A man may kill his wife if he find her actually committing adultery, but not otherwise. A fine is the usual punishment of the adulterer; while the woman may be divorced, or chastised in various ways.
Generally the morals of the Kirghiz Kazaks are good. Chastity in their women is highly prized—its loss entailing disgrace; but as numbers of the men are extremely sensual, many prostitutes may usually be found in each camp, though not so many as some appear to imagine. They live usually in companies, resembling the class of suttlers in European armies; though some of superior fortune inhabit separate tents, and live in ease and plenty.
Among the Nogay Tartars, who are also nomades, the custom prevails of a man serving his father-in-law for a certain number of years. With them the weaker is absolutely the property of the stronger sex, and all contracts are transactions of sale. The father sells his daughter, the brother his sister, and girls are considered part of an inheritance as much as flocks and herds, and are equally divided among the sons. The value of a woman is measured in cows; five being the cost of an inferior, and thirty of a superior one. The man, however, though obliged to buy, is not allowed to sell his wife. If she transgress beyond his patience he turns her out of the dwelling, and she returns to her parents, who seldom fail to receive her kindly. Divorce is permitted, but is so costly that few resort to it. When a wife leaves her husband against his consent he may demand her back; but if she meanwhile commit adultery or theft, her parents must restore the kalym which was originally paid for her, and she becomes so infamous that only the poorest man will buy her.
The rich are polygamists; and as the sexes are about equal in point of numbers, many of the poor cannot get a wife of any kind. The woman is not allowed to eat with her husband; and if she expect paradise, it is with the understanding that she is to dwell there as a servitor. Marriages are not fruitful, and the population is regularly decreasing.
The Russians have introduced into the country certain virulent diseases, which aid rapidly to thin the people, who themselves have lost much in morality. Wherever they have large encampments, and settle for the winter, numbers of prostitutes spring up among them, not indeed entirely addicted and altogether destined to that calling, but employing it as a means of gain, and living on its wages for a shorter or a longer period.