“No; they were quite decent and friendly. When I asked them to give back my fraternity meal ticket, which was all my pocketbook contained, they said ‘Sure!’ and handed it out to me. They did not even take my fraternity pin which was in plain sight.”
“Good for them! Fraternities originated among thieves, as fraternity methods indicate. They showed, however, that there is something good about fraternities by sharing your pocketbook with you. I suppose that they also returned your watch?”
“No; they didn’t find it for I do not carry my fob by night. In their hurry they forgot to feel of the watch pocket in my pants.”
“Don’t say pants, Heath; say trousers. Or, if you will talk Dago, say pantaloons. Pants and panties are undignified abbreviations. One would think that you had been fraternizing with footpads all of your life.”
“And they did not discover my ring, which was concealed by my glove.”
“Well, my son, now that you have accomplished your object in coming home so late of nights, I hope that you will consider that you have no further excuse for making the street pavements work by night as well as by day. And I trust you will also profit by the example of your fraternal footpads never to do things in a hurry, even when you are doing wrong. How did you get away from them?”
“They told me to hand over my bills. But when they learned that receipted bills were the only kind I had, they told me to run. I said ‘Sure!’ and ran. And they ran in the opposite direction as fast as they could. I ran to Forty-seventh Street and saw a policeman as far away as I could see toward Fiftieth Street, walking toward me.”
“Well, I congratulate you,” I said, growing calmer as I realized that he had had a useful experience, one that is not vouchsafed to every college boy. “You are smarter than your father; your business horizon is not bounded by the payment of bills. You came out ahead in your bargain with the footpads; you gave them a nickel and they gave you a meal ticket. Keep on getting the better of people and you will die rich. I discovered the method too late to adopt it as a principle. If I had my life to live over again, I would take a lesson from you. But don’t forget to profit by this experience, viz., to wear gloves when you wear a ring, and to spend all but your carfare before coming home at night.”
He then asked me if I had had a nice time while away. After I had explained to him that I had not derived as much of a sensation from my six weeks and hundreds of dollars as he had from his five minutes and a nickel, my younger son arrived and asked me the same question, and thus made another explanation necessary.
Dinner was then ready. After dinner my married daughter called up my wife by telephone and asked her if I had had a pleasant trip. My wife answered: