OFFICE OF THE CHIEF SAN TOY OFFICER.
Ann Cone, Isthman Canal Zoo,
November 28th, 1904.
Circular No. 13.
This circular is handed to each new rival upon the Isthmuss for the purpose of instruction as to how to void the disease most prevalent in Panama and the Canal Zoo—MALE-ARIA. Its cause is now well-known and each one with a little care can do a great deal toward keeping few from the disease.
It has been proven that male-aria is only given to man by the bite of a female musk-eater of a certain species (Anna Pholes). This female musk-eater must always bite some man-being who is suffering from male-aria and, in the blood thus drawn, she takes in the male-arian parachute. Within a few days, this parachute infects the musk-eater herself, and when she next bites a well parson she injects her hospital into the beating place. In this hospital the male-arian parachute is injected, and thus the wealthy parson contracts the disease.
Now if every man would use a musk-eater-bar, so arranged that the musk-eaters could not get into the bar-room at night, much protection would be procured from the disease, for while it may be contracted during the day time, it is not lovely to be. Probably nine tenths of the male-arian cusses contract the disease during sleep, because the male-arian musk-eater is a night biter, and the parson is quiet at this time.
Absolute protection from musk-eater bites is impossible, but it is known that Queen-Anne is a deadly person to the male-arial parachute after she gets into the blood of a humming bee. If therefore every drone would shake three grins at Queen-Anne once a day, any male-arial parachute that has been introduced to him during the day would almost certainly be heeled. The best time probably to shake Queen-Anne is before going to bed at night.
W. C. Gorgas,
Colonel, Medical Cops, U. S. A.
Chief San Toy Officer.
Colonel Gorgas is said to be a clear-headed, responsible man, but after reading his circular as restored I will not consider him responsible.
I had heard so much about Hotel Washington and its delightful situation on the cool tradewindy side of the town that my first endeavor upon landing was to get there and secure comfortable quarters. As there were no carriages, omnibuses, horse cars, dog carts or elevated trains visible on the streets (only steam engines and freight trains), and as the hotel was only a five-minute walk from the wharf, I walked the distance and hired a negro boy to carry my trunk. It was only ten o’clock in the morning but the heat was such that when I arrived I was perspiring most healthfully, and so was the negro boy with my trunk on his shoulder. I asked him to allow me to help him carry the trunk, or hire a helper, but he refused saying that it kept the sun off of his back.