To Panama and back

by Henry T. Byford

“Worse even than the danger of famine and of thirst, the passengers say, was the odor of the decaying banana cargo.

“At Scotland light-ship last night the tow line broke as a last chapter in her long series of accidents, and the Athos could not repair the broken line in the dark, but anchored for the night, while the Altai brought her passengers to quarantine. To-day tugs were sent out to bring the Athos into port.”

One of the congresistas arose to a point of order and informed the ancient orator of the Athos that we were celebrating the closing session, that the meetings had been held, the contributions discussed and the contents of the barrel dissipated.

MacDonald of Athos looked enquiringly at Icaza of Panama who, understanding neither English nor Athos when spoken so fluently, smiled politely and said nothing, while the band taking advantage of a moment of silence, played enthusiastically and loudly.

“Mr. President,” he began again, when the band had done its duty, “I am glad there is a congresista left to tell the tale. I understand that the previous deliberations of the congress have been carried on by a minority (since the majority were in the Athos, now the Pathos, holding majority meetings) and are therefore void. If they are not void, I move that they be voided, and that the congress begin over again.”

The secretary ventured to say that such was an impossibility since there was nothing left of the $25,000 barrel but a barrel of beer, a hundred bottles of White Rock, a can of evaporated cream, and half a bottle of Mountain Dew.

“Then I withdraw my motion,” said the speaker, “and move that all of the meetings held on the Athos, and afterward on the Pathos, be reported in full to the secretary, and be constituted a part of the transactions of the Fourth Pan-American Medical Congress.

The South American delegate arose and spoke against the motion as being irregular and unparliamentary, and would establish a bad precedent. He wished to place the vote of the entire continent of South America on record against it.

Doctor MacDonald replied, saying that he spoke for North America. He was from Greater New York, in which lived one out of every twenty-one persons of the United States; the others lived out of town. Therefore, in behalf of those he represented, he felt it his duty to insist upon the motion. It would enable the Athosnians or Pathosnians (whichever name might in the future prevail) to hold another closing scientific session mañana for the presentation of the Pathos proceedings, and to leave immediately afterward so as to reach Havana on the last day of the meeting of the Pan-American Public Health Association—and be able to do the same thing there. MacDonald was a born leader, and conducted himself more like a man accustomed to dictate terms at the head of a nation rather than at the head of a bed.

The president listened with rapt attention and, not understanding the New York dialect, smiled politely in approval. Thereupon the secretary put the motion and the Pathosnians, being in the majority, carried it. The secretary explained the situation to the president, who smiled and nodded, but whether ’twas with pleasure, displeasure or in sarcasm, no one knew. A motion to adjourn to meet at 8 A. M. the next morning prevailed. The band then played Mendelssohn’s “Wedding March” and the meeting broke up brilliantly.