Five yards of superfine dove-coloured cloth, at a guinea a yard, was charged at the woollen-draper’s. Ah! dear Sir, you were short sighted here; two yards and three-quarters make a match-coat and leggons, five yards will not make two; a coarser cloth would have suited Indians, and another colour would have pleased them much better; for I am much mistaken if these are not the only Indians that ever wore other than their favourite colours of red and blue; but the laceman’s bill will clear up this affair. Let me see! Vellum lace, broad and narrow: Was it for button holes for a Cherokee mantle? Sure Ostenaco never once had the ridiculous fancy of putting useless, and solely ornamental, buttons upon a match-coat; where the duce then were the button-holes placed? But I may, I believe, give a history of that affair, without being matter of an uncommon penetration. A certain Man-Killer wanting a holiday suit to appear in, at the installation of some royal and noble knights of the garter—but here some critic, a pretended judge of Indian affairs, will perhaps say, that Indians have no such installations, and that they would never become the laughing-stock of their countrymen, by being swathed up in English cloaths. Well, sharp-eyed critic, good cloaths will never want wearers; it is a pity good things should be lost, and the gentleman that provided them most absolutely be obliged to wear them himself, since the Indians will not. What goodness! Condescend to wear the Indians refusals! O tempora! O mores! The washerwoman’s bill, with many others, I had already paid; but as it had not paid toll en passant, it found its way into the treasury, with an increase of five or six pounds, being just as much again as the contents of the bill; so summing up the gentleman’s profits on what was really received, I imagined it to be about cent. per cent.
Mr. Martin desired me to take the accounts home to revise at my leisure, which I soon after returned with alterations, little to the honour of the original accomptant, however great his skill in figures. But as his character has been sufficiently known in several late affairs, I shall spend no more of my time, or the reader’s patience, in quoting numerable instances of the same dye. I shall only mention the injury done to Mr. Quin, whose house was so spoiled by the rabble that came to see the Indians, that he was at a great expence to put it to rights; but instead of Mr. Cacanthropos’s allowing out of the immense profits of the show, wherewith to repair the damage, he got him to sign a receipt in full, and then curtailed and perquisited three pounds.
But it is now time to return to my own misfortunes. After paying the debts I had contracted, my finances were, as I have already hinted, so low, that I had not wherewith to defray my passage. I made no doubt of getting credit for a part till my arrival. At the Virginia Coffee-house I found a Captain of my acquaintance, bound to Virginia, into whose hands I deposited ten guineas to secure my passage; but the ship, thro’ some unaccountable delays, did not quit her moorings till December, when the Captain told me she would go round to Portsmouth, which place he thought would be more convenient for me to embark at. I readily acquiesced with this, as I thought my passage would be long enough without any addition. But before I arrived at Portsmouth, my money ran so short, that I was forced to borrow of the landlord, to pay the last stage. I had staid here nine or ten days, in expectation of the ship, when a letter arrived from the Captain, to define me to return immediately to London, or repair to Deal, as his employers had sent him orders not to touch at Portsmouth, but to proceed immediately to sea. I was thunderstruck. The tavern-keeper had just sent in his bill for payment, the instant I received this letter. I was obliged to deposit cloaths and other effects to the amount of forty pounds, and borrow ten guineas to return.
As soon as I arrived at London, I sent my servant to enquire if the ship had fallen down the river, who shortly after returned with information that she had. I then went to Gravesend, where my money running short again, I had recourse to the landlady. I sent to the office, to know if such a ship had cleared, and was agreeably informed there had not. After expecting the ship four or five days, I sent my servant to London, to procure some money on my watch, with orders to inquire after the ship at every place between London and Gravesend. On his return the next day he informed me the ship, with several more, were frozen up at Deptford. I now began to be under the greatest uneasiness about my return to Virginia, fate seeming determined to detain me where misfortunes daily increased. I sent to the Captain for the ten guineas I had advanced for my passage, since I found it impossible to go with him, and returned to London, where my first concern was, to enquire at the war-office whether there had lately arrived any returns from Sir Jeffery Amherst? I was informed there had, and, on turning over the books, found myself appointed Lieutenant in the forty-second or Royal Highland regiment of foot, with several months subsistence due to me, which I received soon after from Mr. Drummond, the agent, to whom I made known my circumstances, intreating him to lend me fifty pounds more, without which I found it impossible to get out of England. He obligingly told me, that if I could get any gentleman to accept a bill payable in four months, he would willingly advance that sum. I applied to a gentleman in the city, who was kind enough to accept the bill.
I agreed with a Captain of a ship bound to Virginia, about the middle of March, and paid him thirty-two guineas for my wife’s passage and my own; for I had married, or rather made a young lady a companion of my misfortunes some time before; but her father having refused his consent to our union, had the barbarity to deny us the least assistance, nay, refused me even ten guineas that I found deficient, after paying my debts, and laying in what was necessary. All affairs being seemingly settled, I went to Billingsgate over-night to save expences, by going in a Gravesend boat the next day, but was prevented by a bailiff, who, as soon as I was up, arrested me, at the suit of a person, who, not making any demand upon me, in my confusion I forgot, or rather did not know where to find.
I was carried immediately to Wood-Street Compter, where I wrote to a friend for money to discharge it but being disappointed, I was obliged to pay away the little I had reserved for my expences, so that I had but two shillings left. We now embarked for Gravesend; but before we had got two miles down the river, the boat ran foul of a ship’s hawser, by which we were almost overset. We staid a considerable time, to no purpose, to get her clear, but were obliged at last to go ashore and return to Billingsgate, where we staid all night, and next morning, for want of money to discharge our reckoning, I was forced to sell a gold seal that cost me four guineas, for only eleven shillings.
I then embarked in another boat, and got within four miles of Gravesend without any further interruption; but the tide being spent here, we were obliged to walk to Gravesend on foot, where the ship came down, and anchored next morning.
The Captain informed me, that two gentlemen and a lady, passengers in the ship, would be glad that we should all dine together. This I readily consented to, but begged a couple of guineas that I had been deficient in my old reckoning at the White-Hart. Unwilling to borrow any more from the Captain, I sent my servant with a pair of new crimson velvet breeches that cost me three guineas, who returned with thirteen shillings that he had raised on them. Being now on board, I thought myself secure from all further demands or impediments; but we no sooner arrived in the Downs than my servant left me, and demanded four guineas for the time he had served me; a gentleman that was going ashore did me the favour to pay him the money he demanded.
This detail may seem very dry to a reader; but this must effectually convince the public, that had I made money of the Indians, nay, partook of the great sums that were clandestinely made by them, I should not have been so soon reduced to the necessities I underwent.
After some difficulties in getting out, we had a very good passage to Virginia. I staid there but just long enough to settle my affairs, and then set out for New York to wait on Sir Jeffery Amherst for my commission; but to save the expences of going by land, I embarked in an old worm-eaten sloop that belonged to a gentleman at New York, who had been obliged to send a Captain to bring her home, her former one having deserted her in that ruinous condition. She had, however, tolerable pumps and sails, and three good hands besides the Captain.