"'Ahem,' says I, clearin' my throat, 'Hum—ah, do you—er—do you no—'
"I got no farther. William leant over and bent his finger double agin my chest. 'Full well,' says he in a tone of v'ice not loud but so loaded with meanin' it bumped on his teeth—'full well, Ezekiel George Washington Scraggs, do I assimerlate what the results of such a course will be, but if you should persume to ast me any more if I notice anything I shall at once arise and bat you in the eye—I am beyond carin' for conserquences.'
"'Now, now, now! What is the use of gettin' so excited? Take a drink of water—you'll bust your b'iler, foamin' like that,' I says.
"'Water!' says William. 'Ha, ha, ha.' It wasn't no giggle, that laugh of his. It was one of them blood-curdlers you read about.
"'All right," says he, brisk, 'to oblige you—remember that.' He turned the dipper upside down, then heaved it through the window. 'Sufferin' Ike'' says he, "I can't even taste it—nothin' but cold, cold. Went down my gullet like a buckshot down a ten-foot shaft.' He struggled for air and continued; 'Here am I,' says he, 'William Pemberton, celebratin' Christmas by dyeing my linin' green and smellin' like a recess in a country school.' His ventilation give out again, whilest he worked his face into knots and flew his hands around. 'You come along with me,' says he, 'and I'll show you a Christmas celebration.'
"I grabbed him. 'William,' I says, 'your eye is desperate. You explain to me before you scuff a foot.'
"'Leggo me,' he says; 'I tell you, leggo me, Zeke Scraggs. I'm goin' to have my revenge. I'm goin' to take ten cases of giant powder and blow the mill of Honorable John Lawson Davis, Member of Congress, Champion Double-Jointed, Ground-and-Lofty, Collar-and-Elbow, Skin and Liar, so high in the air that folks'll think there's a new comet, predictin' war and trouble.'
"'William,' I says 'you ain't goin' to do no such thing—that's wicked, that is.' I tried to speak stern, but this here Christmas hadn't amounted to much so far, and I never had seen a stamp mill blew up, so I couldn't help wonderin' how it would look.
"'See here!' says he, 'I'll admit many a time you've licked me in a friendly way, Ezekiel, and I'm obliged to you; but, now, be you, or ben't you, my guest?'
"'I be,' says I.