"'Well, ma'am,' says I, 'I wouldn't take the loss of the money to heart. When the gentleman sees your face he won't care.' Usually, you can kinder edge around the rough places with that game of talk. But it didn't go here.
"'Aggh, g'wan, ye bald-headed ol' pepper-mint lozenger!' she hollers. 'D'ye s'pose I niwer see a lookin'-glass? Where's the man'll marry me widout me money? "Me face is me forchune, sor," sez she. "Tek it to the gravel bank an' have it cashed, then," sez he. Where's the man that'll have me, face an' all, lackin' the coin? Woora, woora, answer me that!'
"Well, as usual, it was up to me. There wasn't no escapin' it. A man might just as well meet his fate smilin' as trailin' his lip on the ground, for my experiences teaches, dear friends and brothers, that Fate just naturally don't care a wooden-legged tinker's dam.
"'Madam,' says I, removin' my hat and bowin', 'the honorable name of Scraggs is at your disposal.'
"'Eh?' says she. 'What's that you're sayin'?'
"'I repeat, plainly and sadly, ma'am, that one-fourteenth of my heart and hands is at your disposal.'
"'Heh?' says she again. 'An' what's the one-foorteeneth mane?'
"'I have now,' I replies, 'thirteen wives—'Before I could get another word out she was ra'rin.'
"'Oh!' she yells, 'ye villyan! Ye long-legged blaggard! Ye hairless ol' scoundrel of the world! How dast ye?' She begun lookin' around for a club, so I talked fast.
"'It's my religion, ma'am,' says I. 'I'm a Mormon by profession, mixed with accident. Think a minute before you do somethin' that'll cause general regret.'