IV
THE LITTLE CANOE
ITS INTRODUCTION AND DESTRUCTION AT PORTO RICO
My friend the Señor Don is of a precise and military bearing, clad with a dignity that enhances his scant five feet of stature to herculean proportions. He is a handsome little man with pompadour hair and a bold “Wilhelm der Kaiser” mustache. His speech is exact, somewhat cold, yet with a flavor of melancholy to it, like the style of Thackeray. When he expresses himself in English, it is with seriousness, that seriousness which marks all his enterprises, but it is with some honest mistakes concerning the language as a whole. A fine love for our free institutions is also characteristic of the Señor Don. I can not tell you how his sad story of the little canoe affects me. I may only try.
“When I am to mek retoorn to Puerto Rico, Hooaleece” (which is part of my name on the Spanish tongue), said he, “I have bear in my mind the indolence of those people. Not like that rooggèd American who enjoy the manly art of boxing the eye of hees frien’, or to mek strong resistance on the field of the ball of the foot, or splash t’rough the water in aquatic spooorts. No, hombre! Not sooch do they mek in Puerto Rico. Nuzzing more rrrrobust than to smoke cigarillos and to drink chocolatay, and I say, Thees ees the end of these people. What manner of civilizassyone will mek the drinking of chocolatay and the perpetual smoking of cigarillos? That of the conqueror? No. That of the arts? No. That of what, then? That of nuzzing.
“Well, what then? I say, I shall to missionary these people. To them I shall introduce the can-ooo American. It ees a beginning. Bimeby the boxing-glove, the ball of the foot, the base-ball, but gradooally—poco á poco. At first the can-ooo. There it ees to sit still, after the manner of Puerto Rico, becows, if you are not to sit with precceesion, that can-ooo will to set up, and some man must fish you. I buy can-ooo. I have it transport at mooch expense. I veesit Señor Córdova at hees home upon the sea, and there also has arrrrrived my little can-ooo.
“‘Ah!’ says the señor, ‘what ees thees leetle bo-at? Eet ees very pretty!’
“‘Eet ees can-ooo American,’ I tell heem. ‘You pull eet with thees stick. Eet ees at your disposal. Will you not make essay at eet?’ ‘Buen,’ says Señor Córdova; ‘where to put the foot?’
“I am to tell heem, but he waits not for reply, putting the foot oopon the edge. Eenstantly that can-ooo make revolution, preceepeetating Señor Córdova eento the ocean. Ah, what confusion! What disturbance! How mooch different from America! There, when I have to overthrow myself in that can-ooo, the hardy cour-rrage of those people mek them to cry, ‘Ha, ha, goood eye! Pool for the shore!’ But now! Señora Córdova and Señoritas Córdova three mek lamentable outcry, ‘Papa is to drown!’ And those naygrose which are there run around like stoopeed fellows. Eet ees to me that the responseebeelity falls that my friend Córdova do not perish. There he ees, pushing the water with hees hands, and speaking as one should not before ladies.
“What to do? I can reach heem with my arm, but that ees not nautical. I have by the—the—como se llaman thees pole with the iron? Ah, bo-at-hoook! si, si, si! The bo-at-hoook, and by that I hook heem.
“‘A Dios!’ he cry, ‘I am assassinated!’
“‘Be still, foolish person!’ I say. ‘Is not your life to be saved?’