On their boards were ingenious exhortations to the public to support the enterprise of Alfred Hearty, greengrocer, of Putney, Fulham and Wandsworth. Mr. Hearty read as one in a dream:
Alfred Hearty
The Napoleon of Greengrocers
Alfred Hearty
The Caesar of Fruiterers
Alfred Hearty
The Prince of Potato Merchants
Hearty's Two-Shilling Pineapple
Try it in Your Bath
Hearty's Jerusalem Artichokes
General Allenby Eats Them
The Germans Fight For
Hearty's Brussels Sprouts
As the six animals filed past, Mr. Hearty was conscious that hundreds of eyes were gazing in his direction. He read one sign after another as if hypnotised, then he read them again. Scarcely had the animals passed him, when the pineapple swung round leading his donkey, the others immediately followed. As they came back on the other side of the way, that nearest to Mr. Hearty, he had the benefit of reading further details about the wonderful properties of the fruit and vegetables he retailed. The second set of exhortations to the housewives of Putney ran:
Eat Hearty's Filberts, Oh! Gilbert,
The Nut
Nut-Crackers With Every Bag
Hearty's French Beans
Saved Verdun
Try Hearty's Juicy Cabbages
They Cure Baldness
The Food Controller Recommends Carrots
Try Hearty's—I Have
Alfred Hearty
Known As Pineapple Alf
If You Don't Buy Your Vegetables
From Alfred Hearty
You Will Be What I Am
The last-named was particularly appreciated, everybody being able to see the joke and, thinking that no one else had been so clever, each took infinite pains to point it out to his neighbour.
At first Mr. Hearty went very white, then, realising that the crowd was laughing at him, and that he was being rendered ridiculous, he flushed crimson,—turning round he walked into the shop. There was a feeling in his throat and eyes that reminded him of what he had felt as a child after a storm of crying. His brain seemed deadened. From out the general hum he heard a boy's shrill voice enquiring the whereabouts of his mate, and the mate's reply was heard in the distance.
Suddenly a new sensation dwarfed that of the donkeys.
"Here's another! here's another!" yelled a shrill voice.
The crowd looked up the High Street towards the bridge. With stately lope a camel was pursuing its majestic way. On its back was an enormous water-melon, through which appeared the head of the driver shaded by leaves, a double stalk concealing his legs.
From the shelter of the double brass-rail Mr. Hearty watched the camel as if fascinated. The donkeys had come to a standstill outside the shop. Behind him stood Mrs. Bindle and Smith, the one very grim, the other grinning expansively, whilst from the gloom behind, Mrs. Hearty was heard wheezing and demanding what it was all about.