Coddle. Bah! the beast! A man as deaf as this fellow (bows, and points to table) should be hanged as a warning. (Politely.) This is your last visit here, I assure you.
Whitwell. If it were only lawful to kick one’s father-in-law, I’d do it on the spot. (Shouts.) Your unvarying kindness to a mere stranger, sir, is an honor to human nature.
Coddle (points). Take a chair, sir. (Pulls away best chair, and goes for another.) No, no: shot if he shall have the best chair in the house! If he don’t like it, he can lump it.
Whitwell. Mighty polite! Ah! I see. He’s testing me. I’ll humor him.
Coddle (returns with a stool). Here’s the proper seat for you, you pig! (Shouts.) I offer you this with the greatest pleasure.
Whitwell (shouts). Thanks, thanks. (Drops voice.) You intolerable old brute!
Coddle. Ha!
Whitwell (bowing politely). If you’re ever my father-in-law, I’ll show you how to treat a gentleman.
Coddle. His father-in-law! I’ll give Eglantine to a coal-heaver first,—the animal! (Shouts.) Pray be seated, (drops voice) and choke yourself.
Whitwell (shouts). One gets a very fine appetite after a hard day’s sport. (Drops voice.) Atrocious old ruffian!