"Well, now, if I didn't think it'd be folly to carry the Queen's purse loose about the country! Then 'tis Lord Godolphin says we're to fight the French?"
"Yes, he and my lord Marlborough between them."
"Ah! there 'tis. My lord Marlborough bean't free with his money like t'other lord. He wouldn't ha' given old feyther o' mine nothen. Why, I was at Salisbury in '88 when my lord—Lord Churchill he was then, to be sure—was there to meet King Willum, and I held his horse for 'n, and he gi' me—what do 'ee think he gi' me, Master Harry?"
"Well?"
"Nowt but a smile! What med 'ee think o' that for a lord? 'Thank 'ee, my man,' says he, and puts his foot in the stirrup and shows his teeth at me, and rides off! Lord! Now t'other one, the Lord Godolphin, he is a lord, to be sure, a fine free-handed gentleman, though he ha'n't got such fine teeth. I like a lord to be a lord, I do."
"My lord Marlborough is indeed rather close-fisted, they say."
"Ay, but I ha' knowed a wuss. Did ever I tell 'ee of Jacob Spinney the potticary? I was a growen lad, and feyther o' mine wanted to put me to a trade. So he bound me prentice to Jacob Spinney, that kept a potticary's shop by Bargate at S'thampton. Zooks! Jacob was a deceiver, like his namesake in the Book. A' promised feyther he'd gi' me good vittles and plenty on 'em, bein' a growen lad; but sakes, I never got no meat save at third boilen; 'twas like eatin' leather. A' said I was growen too fast, a' did, and he'd keep me down. Pudden—I never put my lips to pudden for two year, not once. I took down shutters at zix i' the mornen, and put 'em up at eight o' nights; betwixt and between I was pounden away at drugs, and carryen parcels, and scrubben floors and nussen mistress' babby: ay, what med 'ee think o' that? If so happened I broke a bottle, or overslept five minutes—oons! there was master a-strappen me to a hook in the wall he kept o' purpose, and layen a birch over my shoulders and keepen me on bread and water or turmuts not fit for a ox. I dwindled crossways to a shadder, Master Harry, I did so, and every week th' old villain made me write a letter to feyther, sayen as how I was fat and flourishen like a green bay tree. Do what a' would, however, I growed and growed, at fourteen a long slip of a feller all arms and legs. Two mortal year I put up wi' un; then I got tired. One day, mistress was out, and I was rollen pills in the little back shop, when master come in. He was in a terrible passion, goodness alone knows what about. He pitched into me for wasten his drugs and eatin' up all his profits, and hit me with his cane, and sent me spinnen agen the table, and knocked off his best chiney mortar, and there 'twas on the floor, smashed to atomies. Bein' his own doen, it made his temper wuss, it did, and he caught me by the hair and said he'd skin me. I' fecks, I were always a man o' peace, even as a boy, but I'd had long sufferen enough, and now my peaceful blood was up. I wriggled myself free—and there he was, flat on the floor, and me a-sitten on him. He hollered and cussed, for all he was a Puritan; and, haven respect unto my neighbours, I stuffed a handkercher into his mouth. There I sits, a-thinken what to do wi' un. 'Twas in for a penny in for a pound wi' me then; I'd have to run, 'dentures or no 'dentures, and it seemed fair to have my pen'orth afore I went. There was that hook I knowed so well, and that strap hangen still and loose: 'I'll gi' un a taste o' the birch he be so uncommon fond on,' thinks I. So I hoists un up, and soon has un strapped ready; but looken at un I thinks to myself: 'You be a poor wamblen mortal arter all, skinny for all the pudden you eat. I'll ha' mercy on your poor weak flesh.' Besides, I had another notion. So I casts un loose and sits un on a chair and straps un to chair-back, hands to sides.
"You med have heard of Jacob Spinney's famous mixture for pimples? Well, 'twas knowed all over Hants and Wilts. 'Twas a rare sight o' market days to see the farmers' wives a-troopen into the shop for bottles o' the mixture. But th' odd thing was, Spinney hisself was owner of a fair pimpled face, yet never did I know un take a dose o' his own firm cure. 'I pity 'ee,' says I to un, as he sat strapped to the chair; 'poor feller, wi' all those pimples. Shall have a dose, poor soul.' Many's the bottle I'd made up: 'twas brimstone and powder o' crab and gentian root in syrup. Well, I mixed a dose all fresh afore his eyes, and got a long wooden spoon, and slipped the handkercher out o' his mouth and the dose in. The ungrateful feller spets it out and begins to holler again; so in goes the handkercher, and says I: 'Ye don't know what's for your own good. Bean't it tasty enough? Ah, Master Spinney, often and often 'ee've physicked me; what's good for me without pudden will be better for 'ee with; you shall have a dose.' So I made un a dose o' senna and jalap and ipecacuan, but I was slow with the handkercher, and afore I could get the spoon in he had his teeth clinched tight. But I hadn't nussed the babby for nothen. I ups with finger and thumb and pinches his nose; he opens his mouth for breath, and in goes spoon, and sputter as he med he had to swaller, he did.
"Ah, I was wild and headstrong in they young coltish days. I bean't so fond o' pudden now. Not but what they mixtures did Jacob Spinney a world o' good, for his next prentice had a easier time nor me, steppen into his master's business when he was laid in churchyard. I got no good on 'em, to be sure, for I had to run away and try another line o' life, and ha' been a rollen-stone ever since. Ay well, 'tis all one to a man o' peace."
During his narrative the breakfast had been finished.