No doubt you think yourself a fine fellow and the friend of the working man—I don't think! Some of us know more about you than you think we do. I erd you at the Queen's Hall and you made me sick. You aren't fit to black the boots of the man you talked against.
To William Shakespeare Esq., O.H.M.S. (printed)
Sir,—In pursuance with the provisions of Her Majesty's Benevolent Act, you are hereby required to prepare a true and correct statement of your emoluments from all forms of (in writing) literary income, duly signed by you within 21 days from this date. If, however, you elect to be assessed by the District Commissioners under a number or a letter, &c. &c. &c.
From the Earl of Essex to W. Shakespeare Esq. (lithographed)
Dear Sir,—I have undertaken to act as Chairman this year of the Annual Dinner of the League for the Support of Insufficiently Talented Dramatic Authors. You are doubtless acquainted with the admirable objects of &c. &c. I hope I may see your name among the stewards whose position is purely honorary, and is granted upon payment of five guineas, &c. &c. This laudable &c. &c.
Very faithfully yours,
Essex.
From Mrs. Parxinson to William Shakespeare Esq.
Dear Mr. Shakespeare,—Can you come and talk for our Destitute Pick Pockets Association on Thursday the 18th? I know you are a very busy man, but I always find it is the most busy men, who somehow manage to find time for charitable objects. If you can manage to do so I would send my motor round for you to Pilbury Row, and it would take you out to Rickmansworth where the meeting is to be. I am afraid it cannot take you back, but there is a convenient train at 20 minutes to 8, which gets you into London a little after 9 for dinner, or, if that is too late you might catch the 6.30, which gets you in at 8.15, only that will be rather a rush. My daughter tells me how much she admired your play, Macduff, and very much wants to see you.
From the Duchess of Dump to William Shakespeare Esq.
Dear Mr. Shakespeare,—I want to ask you a really great favour. Could you come to my Animals Ball on the 4th of June dressed up as a gorilla? I do hope you can. We have to tell people what costumes they are to wear for fear that they should duplicate. Now don't say no. It's years since we met. Last February wasn't it?