“Them remarks,” said Captain Coombs, “showing as how you’ve still got a lot to learn about the way the old cats lap up gossip when it is sassered out to ’em ’long coast. Say, against her tongue—it’s a lively one—I don’t stand the show of an el’funt trying to dance a jig on the dogvane! And she is going to use the tongue plenty more. Says she will tell on Jeth and report his selling his soul to Satan and have Jeth jammed into jail.”
“Ye gods! Is the woman crazy?” gasped Bachelor Bent.
Captain Coombs stared thoughtfully into the crown of his sou’wester and was studiedly discreet in his reply. “Lots of good folks lately are acting queer about this liquor business, sir, and I’d hate to be passing any word as how they belong in the crazy coop. I’ll simply say that Marm Wallace has organized the Wimmen’s Crusaders on Lumbo and they’re all under oath, f’r instance, to doctor home-brew when it has been located—not simply dumping it, but fixing it so a man will never darst take another drink after swigging the foxbait peppered up by the ladies.”
“Gad!” It was another gasp from the bachelor. “It’s a wonder some of the husbands haven’t been killed off.”
“Waal, I’ll admit there have been several close shaves from sudden death on Lumbo since the Crusaders have got into full swing, but I wouldn’t go so far as to say it’s on account of what has been slyed into the brew by the ladies; the boys do rig up some tumble oppydildock for theirselves.”
“I say these women have gone crazy, Captain Coombs!”
“Oh, I guess there ain’t any more craziness in ’em than is mixed into killing off folks in the cities nowadays, if I read the papers right. But we’d best not get switched too far away from the business of day and date, sir. I’ve mentioned the item about Marm Wallace only to show you she can’t well be managed. I’ll have to take my medicine, either out of one bottle or the other.”
Captain Bent reassumed his rigidity. “You understand, of course, Captain Coombs, I’ll be obliged to tow your packet to my home station, reporting contraband.”
“Aye, aye, sir! That’s your duty.”
“Even if the woman with the tongue could be eliminated, I’d tow you in just the same.”