"Come awa', Minister! Come awa' in wi' ye. Ye'll see I'm just hae-ing a trick with the cairds to ding puir Davie oot o' my heid."
I don't know if the following will read comprehensibly. Told it was overwhelming, and was a prime favourite with the Scotch audience.
Hoo oor Baby was burrrned.
(How our Baby was burnt.)
(You must realize a kind of amiable bland whine in the way of telling this. A caressing tone in the Scotch drawl, as the good lady speaks of oor wee Wullie, etc. Also a roll of the r's on the word burned.)
"Did ye never hear hoo oor wee Baby was burrrned? Well ye see—it was this way. The Minister and me had been to Peebles—and we were awfu' tired, and we were just haeing oor bit suppers—when oor wêê Wullie cam doon-stairs and he says—'Mither, Baby's burrrning.'
"—Y'unerstan it was the day that the Minister and me were at Peebles. We were awful tired, and we were just at oor suppers, and the Minister says (very loud and nasal), 'Ca'll Nurrse!'—but as it rarely and unfortunitly happened—Nurrse was washing and she couldna be fashed.
"And in a while our wee Wullie cam down the stairs again, and he says—'Mither! Baby's burning.'
"—as I was saying the Minister and me had been away over at Peebles, and we were in the verra midst of oor suppers, and I said to him—'Why didna ye call Nurse?'—and off he ran.
"—and there was the misfirtune of it—Nurrse was washing, and she wouldn't be fashed.