INTRODUCTION
THE ANGUISH LANGUISH
English words are astonishingly versatile and could readily be made to serve a new and extraordinary purpose, but nobody seems to care about this except SPAL (Society for the Promotion of the Anguish Languish).[1] In keeping with its lofty ideals and its slogan, ANGUISH FOR EVERYBODY, the Society is sponsoring this little text, which has three aims:
1. To improve the public’s understanding of the Anguish Languish.
2. To improve the academic standing of the Anguish Languish.
3. To improve the social and financial standing of the Society.
☛ Policemen and Magicians
A visiting professor of Anguish, Dr. ——[2], who, while learning to understand spoken English, was continually bewildered and embarrassed by the similarity of such expressions as boys and girls and poisoned gulls, used to exclaim:
“Gracious! What a lot of words sound like each other! If it wasn’t (sic) for the different situations in which we hear ’em, we’d have a terrible time saying which was which.”