Rice Papers

by Hugh Leigh Norris

Lao listened to the doctor with impatience, and having paid a compliment to the doctor’s knowledge of the classics with which his speech had been liberally sprinkled, begged him to see his wife and prescribe whatever might alleviate her pain.

The doctor, having adjusted a pair of brass-rimmed spectacles which magnified about three hundred diameters, entered the room occupied by Mah Su. Having made a lengthy examination, he returned to Lao, and explained that there were two treatments possible. One consisted of rushing the patient up and down the room until she broke into a violent perspiration and then throwing ice-cold water over her, and the other consisted in maintaining absolute quietude while the soles of her feet were burnt with glowing charcoal. Wing Fung explained that no true decision could be arrived at until he had carefully consulted the stars, that this occupation would entail his own careful study during the night, and that the cost would amount to at least six taels. Lao handed over the six taels, and Wing Fung departed, leaving the never-to-be-replaced Mah Su still in agony and Lao not less distressed mentally.

The following morning Wing Fung reappeared. He stated that he had consulted the stars, and that from their reading he had learnt that the most honourable Mah Su had been invaded by a most pestilential rat, that even now the rat was gnawing at her vitals, and that an additional ten taels would enable him so to study the stars that he would discover by what means the rat might be driven from its hiding-place in the stomach of the most honourable wife of the gracious Lao Ng Tau.

Wing Fung received the ten taels and again departed, reappearing the next day somewhat dishevelled. We must understand that the learned doctor had now been some forty-eight hours without sleep—his walk was jagged and uncertain, his speech thick, and he had an unfortunate habit of chuckling, and hiccoughs somewhat marred his demands for fifteen more taels to carry out his researches among the stars.

Now Lao got angry. He said that Wing Fung should conduct his researches among the stars right there on the roof, and he also ordered a coolie to see that the renowned Wing Fung did not doze, the coolie being supplied with a heavy and useful bamboo rod.

Throughout the day Wing Fung was kept awake with difficulty and the bamboo; but when the night came and the stars became visible, he almost fell asleep in spite of the repeated blows rained on his back by the attendant. At last Wing Fung begged to see the honourable Lao. He then explained that he was an outside doctor, that he knew all about things that one could see, but of the internal arrangements of humanity he was ignorant. He begged Lao to send for a renowned doctor named Hao Suey, who understood all such things; and having given directions as to where Hao Suey might be found, he begged leave to go to sleep.

Lao replied that he was quite willing that Wing Fung should sleep; and having signed to the executioner, Wing Fung slept—with his fathers.

Then Lao sent post haste for the renowned Hao Suey. So much in earnest was he, that Hao Suey was given twenty-four blows on the feet and brought post haste to the house of Lao in a sedan-chair carried by four coolies.

On his arrival Hao Suey produced a bad impression by being unable to walk, and Lao’s displeasure was evinced by ordering Hao to receive twenty-four blows on such portion of his body that, in addition to being unable to stand, he was now rendered unable to sit. After this encouragement, the renowned doctor entered the presence of the distressed Mah Su in a most reverent manner on his hands and knees, that being the only method of locomotion of which he was capable.

Mah Su was now very ill, and the wretched doctor remained as long in her presence as he possibly could, fearing further encouragement at the hands of the distracted husband. At length a peremptory order from Lao caused the doctor to painfully grovel out of the room to the mandarin’s presence. Here the unfortunate Hao made another faux pas, for, being ignorant of the fate of the learned Wing Fung, and hoping to gain a respite and ease his battered body, he requested an advance of twenty taels to enable him to consult the stars. Lao’s face showed nothing of the anger boiling within him as he ordered the attendants to remove the doctor and send the executioner in. The executioner, however, could not be found. It appeared that after exercising his professional skill on Wing Fung, he had gone off to the widow to present his bill and collect the money in person for services rendered to the deceased shortly prior to and during the latter’s last moments. The executioner’s demands having met with more success than he had expected, he was led away by the exuberance of his spirits to rather over-indulge in samshu, so that on his return very late to the Yamen, his condition was such that it was hopeless to expect him to exercise his office until he had slept off his libations. This circumstance proved considerably fortunate for Hao Suey, as during the night the beautiful and high-born Mah Su died.