“Many years ago, before either of your honourable selves was born, this person lived in Chin Wen Fu in Foh Kien. The honourable Hop Li was tao-tai, and many gentle and pleasant amusements could be enjoyed in Chin Wen. The person who tells this was very fond of visiting the theatres, and, being a big strong youth, would occasionally take part in trials of strength in public places, and had, on occasion, appeared on the public stage in processions and such spectacles where a big man was needed to represent an emperor, a general, or some other person of importance.
“Now it happened that at one time a travelling company of actors came to our town, and while the stage was being erected one of their company fell sick and died. They were going to perform a very popular and amusing drama, in which much depended on the performance of one character, who, as tao-tai, becomes very drunk, thus causing numerous complications. After some considerable haggling it was at last decided that this person should play the part—my figure and deportment were suitable, and as the spoken words were not very numerous, I was fit to take the part by the time the performance was opened.
“Our tao-tai, Hop Li, was a short man, but by putting cushions under my coat, and a false moustache on my lip, I made myself resemble him to the life. My first appearance proved a great success, my drunken scene evoking much merriment from the audience, and the next night the house was crammed. That night the audience made me repeat the drunken scene, and the next night they wanted it three times. I began to get a little conceited, and suggested to the manager that I should be paid for my performance or I would not play, and he, knowing that the success of the play now entirely depended upon me, and that my performances were bringing him crowded houses every night, assented. The audiences became more and more enthusiastic over my drunken scene, and I began to introduce innovations. I had a horse brought on the stage and mounted it in a fashion not unlike our tao-tai, who was no rider and very nervous. This brought the house down, and things got to such a pitch that the manager offered me many taels to make my particular business last for three hours. It was hard work, but I did it. For three hours every night I acted that I was drunk. I mounted horses, I gave ridiculous judgments in the courts, I fought, I dined—in fact, I did everything I could to please. The fame of this performance was so noised about that it came to the ears of our own tao-tai, and he decided to see the play himself—an unfortunate thing for me.
“I think on the night of the tao-tai’s visit to the theatre I surpassed myself. I was more amusing than usual. I ordered new horses, new witnesses, new prisoners. I was three and three-quarter hours getting drunk, and all the time the tao-tai watched me. That night, I think, I had taken especial care of my make-up, for I was a life-like representation of Hop Li, and the audience were like people possessed.
“Missis Dolly, the next morning was tellible.
“The congratulations of my friends had kept me up most of the night, and, when in a very deep sleep, the next morning I was roughly pulled off the ‘kang’ on which I lay by two of the runners from the tao-tai’s Yamen.
“I was not brought before the magistrate, but was taken to a small room in the Yamen and carefully guarded. I could learn nothing from my gaolers except that the tao-tai was very angry, and that all theatrical performances had been stopped. For seven days I was kept closely guarded in that room, and during the whole time I was well and liberally fed; at the end of the period I was brought before the tao-tai. In many long-winded and high-sounding phrases he pointed out what a disgustingly despicable and mean person I was, that the mere attempt to hold up to ridicule any of the servants of the Son of Heaven was a crime that could not be too severely dealt with, that although I had signally failed in this my attempt to ridicule a tao-tai, still, as an example to others, my punishment should be a severe one,—that I should be trodden to death by countless feet.
“I was then taken back to my prison, and, as before, continued to be well fed. The same day the news came to me that the tao-tai had ordered a theatre of extreme magnificence to be built of bamboo and matting, all the previous actors were commanded to perform, an order was issued that every able-bodied man, woman, and child was to attend the performance, which would take place on the seventh of the seventh moon, and, finally, that their magistrate, the tao-tai himself, would perform the part in which I had previously scored such a success. A further order was issued the same evening that bare feet or soft shoes were de rigueur for all who attended the performance. I failed to see how these matters could interest me, and even when my gaolers told me that the tao-tai was word perfect in his part, and had introduced lots of new ‘business,’ I failed to show more than a polite interest.
“As soon, however, as the day of the performance dawned, I saw that the affair was one of the deepest importance to me. At daybreak my gaolers led me out to the hard sandy plain on which the theatre stood. The building itself was of enormous proportions, with two fine dragons fighting for a bright red sun on the roof. The matting forming the front was brightly painted, representing famous heroes of the past; all round were booths with hot rice, soups, pea-nuts, samshu, jellies, and sweetmeats for sale.
“The unusual feature of this theatre was that it had but one entrance, which was approached by such a narrow passage that it allowed of only one person passing at a time. It was not long before I discovered the reason for this. My guards took me to the middle of this narrow passage, where there were four stakes driven into the earth, and then, making me lie on my back, they lashed my ankles and wrists flat on the ground. The play was to commence at seven in the morning and continue until nine at night, and soon after I had been securely bound in position the would-be spectators began to arrive. Their surprise was great on finding that there was no means of entering the theatre except by walking on me, but they all made suitable apologies, and I, in my turn, begged them not to mention it, so that the first few hundred passed over me fairly comfortably; but as the time for the performance drew near they came more thickly, apologies were dispensed with, and I thought that I should be surely killed. The majority of them, it is true, tried to tread on my chest, but some were old and blind, and these trod on my face or anywhere, and the suffocating dust nearly stifled me. I was afraid to breathe, as if I relaxed my chest I feared that my ribs would be crushed in, and during the last four minutes before the play began some twelve hundred people rushed over my body. So exhausted was I that I feared I should die, but soon the guards came and revived me with tea and rice. After that for some hours I was entirely alone, and by the continued laughter from the theatre, I judged that the tao-tai was acquitting himself well.