Ah Hing brings in the soup, and “No. 1” says: “Well, doc, you might tell your adventures to the poor devil who’s had nothing to do but stop aboard the ship in this confounded stinking river.”
Thus appealed to the surgeon begins—
“A day like this is enough to break any man’s heart. I haven’t the pluck now to open a jackpot on four kings, feeling certain somebody’d hold four aces and the joker against me. As you know, we two went shooting, and left the Chief to grub about the native city for curios. When we landed we hired two coolies to carry the drinks and chow, which they slung on a pole between them, and off we went to the right among the paddy-fields. There wasn’t a thing in the paddy except frogs, snakes, and cockie-ollie birds, so we went up towards the hills. Nothing to be found there, but after passing a small village we got into some scrub and long grass, when up got a quail. It flew to my left rear, and I let him have one barrel. Then he passed right behind me, and I let him have the other barrel, the contents of which went smack into the lunch-basket and blew it to bits. In the excitement I’d never noticed that our coolies were only a few yards behind me. There was instantly no end of a hullabaloo, and one coolie lay on the ground kicking and rubbing himself furiously, what time both of them kept up a most damnable screaming. I ran up to see what was the matter, and saw that his chest was covered with blood; but all my efforts at getting a look at his wound were unavailing, as he would keep rubbing his hands over his chest. My own opinion is that he hadn’t got at most more than one pellet in him; but I had no further time to look after him, because we were in a few seconds surrounded by the men, women, children, lunatics, and incurably leprous of the neighbouring village. They got to hustling us, and things looked ugly. All of ’em were singing out something in Chinese, and when they started pulling me about I got nasty and let out at ’em. Then they took my gun away, and by this time we were nearly crushed by the crowds round us. It was no use to create international complications by letting ’em have a few charges of No. 6, so we concluded to go without resisting to their village and see the matter out. So the howling, stinking mob conducted us to their village, and led us through filthy pig-infested lanes to an open space near the centre of the village, in which stood a dismal banyan tree, under whose shade a baby or two and some half-dozen hens and scraggy pigs were grubbing. A very benevolent-looking, grey-bearded Chinaman approached, and from the increased yells of our conductors we concluded that he was a man of some importance. He calmly surveyed us for quite a while, and spoke to our furiously shouting accusers in a calm and passionless manner. The wounded coolie was brought forward amid more shouts and gesticulations, and our ancient friend spoke a few words to him in a rather off-hand manner.
“We were getting a bit tired of all this hoop-hooraying when suddenly our ancient friend turned to me and said, ‘Say, what you goin’ to do about it?’ We were both pretty surprised at hearing him speak English, but I was jolly glad to find someone could understand us. I explained that the whole thing was an accident, that the man wasn’t much hurt, and that now, as we understood each other, we might go back to the ship, as having lost our tiffin, we didn’t care to do any more shooting that day. Our genial friend smiled kindly on us, and said it would be very hard to make his poor uneducated fellow-villagers understand that the shooting had not been done on purpose. He explained that no Chinaman was such a fool as to suppose that anyone with sense would shoot at a bird flying, that a bird could by no possibility be shot unless sitting still, and that my firing into the luncheon-basket was only a pretext to kill both coolies when they least expected it. He remarked, moreover, ‘We’ve got your gun, and I guess it’s worth at least forty dollars gold, so you’d better pay up if you want to get back to your ship. We know that in time you’ll be rescued by a landing-party, but we think you’d prefer to pay up rather than spend a night or two in our flea-infested village and be laughed at by your messmates when you do return.’ I got pretty angry at this and said, ‘I wish I had a few blue-jackets and marines now, and we’d knock hell out of your old village!’
“The ancient Chinaman smiled and said, ‘In your country you have an Employers’ Liability Act by which you’d have to pay for this coolie’s injury.’ We found then that we had a man of education to deal with, so I said I’d pay within reason but that I was dead keen to get aboard, and didn’t care if I never went shooting again in China.
“Then we got on to the question of money; I had two silver dollars and a ten and five dollar Hong Kong note. My Chinese friend explained that paper money was of no use to villagers, that if I handed over the lot to him he’d pay the two silver dollars to the wounded man in compensation, that later on he might manage to negotiate the paper money (for the good of the village), and that if I’d give twenty more dollars on the morrow to his representative he’d return my gun. At the same time he added that if the navigator attempted to use his gun and resist that the villagers would eat us raw.
“So we had to climb down. We left the village escorted by a howling mob, and now I’ve got to pay twenty Mexican dollars to that smooth-tongued English-speaking Chinaman before I get my 12-bore back.
“Ah Hing, give me another whisky-and-soda.”
Again the sun shines on the turbid pea-soup river, the steaming paddy-fields, and sunburnt backs of the sweating trackers as they painfully tow the junks up-stream. A continuous stream of junks drifts down the river, steered by clumsy rudders and big sweeps; now and then a Hakka boat passes laden with lime made by burning oyster-shells, and occasionally a steam launch, flying the Chinese flag, belonging to the Salt Commissioners or Imperial Chinese Customs. The sun is now mounting high in the heavens, when a sampan puts off from the shore and goes alongside the British gunboat. A grey-bearded man steps up the gangway and, handing a double-barrelled gun to the quarter-master, says, “Give that to the doctor, please, and tell him that there is someone waiting to see him.”