"I've got my lesson to learn," I replied.
"When do you say it?" inquired the fifth-form boy; and finding that it was not required till five o'clock, and discrediting my singular difficulty, which I stated to him, he at once took me away, notwithstanding that, as a saving clause, I asserted the privilege due to a boy's first fortnight, but which, I was now told, should not avail me for having told such a falsehood about the lesson. In the following schooltime I was, of course, "put in the bill," but was not flogged, in consequence of pleading my "first fault," another and too fleeting privilege of a new boy.
On returning to my room in the evening, I found my two friends looking unutterable things, while around them lay, "like leaves in wint'ry weather," the fragments of our prided crockery ware!
In our absence, a boy, well knowing what he was about, had come to the cupboard to sharp some tea-things, but finding, to his disappointment, that it was locked, he was yet determined that we should not escape him. The whole was unfortunately suspended, by a bit of rope, to a large nail in the wall; this, then, he had maliciously cut, and the result had proved fatal to the whole "double set of tea-things," with the exception of a pewter salt-cellar. "Well, they must have been broken, one time or another," archly remarked Kennedy.
A very few days had elapsed before I had become a genuine Etonian, which a boy is never accounted until he has been once flogged. Notwithstanding my respect of that honourable title, I was still very unwilling to purchase it so dearly. I had an inclination for forming my own opinion upon matters, somewhat independently of others; and though, in the lower part of the school, to be put in the bill, and suffer accordingly, carried with it anything but a reflection towards the subject of it, still, for reasons of my own, I concluded that it would be far more respectable to act otherwise. This, then, with me, was not merely an opinion—it became a principle, and one which, unfortunately, I was most anxious to preserve inviolate—unfortunately, because it must inevitably be outraged. Even under the most favourable circumstances, owing to my ignorance of its rudiments, I was sensible that I must frequently fail in my Greek tasks; what chance, then, had I, constantly thwarted in my endeavours to avoid this, by hourly and capricious fagging?
This, then, weighed upon my mind in no slight degree, for though exposed, from an early period, "to rough it" more than was common, the sensitiveness of a boy's disposition will be anything but deadened in consequence, so long as he thinks for himself, and forms his own line of right and wrong, though perhaps it schools him precociously to conceal what his associates may deem to be his weaknesses, though probably his better traits of character, should he be blessed with such. This tendency was not likely to be diminished by the following incident:—
From the moment I first left my home, which was at an early period, the little religious instruction I might have received from my nurse was abandoned, and never even reflected on for a moment, till within a short time of my departure for Eton, when, by some chance train of thought, I became sensible that I knew not a single prayer—at least perfectly. I was well aware that other boys did, though many neglected them. To supply this my deficiency, I henceforth never failed to offer up, each morning and evening, extemporary ones, and which, though puerilely adapted to little impressions or wants, yet flowed the more truly from the heart, and cherished an affectionate, and therefore, truly religious feeling, towards my Almighty Father.
One morning I was awakened by the clock striking the hour in which I should have been in school, when, instantly dressing myself, I harried away, and on returning to my room, was kneeling at a chair, when I was interrupted by the dreaded vociferation of "lower boy!"
Though knowing the consequences, should I be discovered, I never for a moment wavered as to the course I should adopt, but continued deliberately at my accustomed devotions. As I was thus occupied, the fifth-form boy entered my room to learn my reason for neglecting his summons, and was for a moment startled when he discovered in what manner I was employed; but, without further hesitation or compunction, taking me by the collar, he inflicted a blow as a punishment for my presumption. This was a little too much, so instantly springing at him, and taking him unawares, for a moment I actually beat my tyrant off, when Kennedy accidentally presenting himself at the door, at once ranged himself by my side. This made the pitiful fellow pause, and finding that, though so immeasurably his juniors, we were resolute, he prudently informed us, that so soon as we had procured the captain's permission to fight with him, he would comply; this formality existing on a feud arising between an upper and lower boy. On inquiring into the case, the captain refused his consent, but added a severe threat towards my aggressor.
Insignificant as they appear, these incidents had lasting effects on me. With regard to the first, I at once resigned myself in despair to the bitterness of a disappointed, and almost a broken spirit; and, so far as all scholastic duties were concerned, I henceforth adopted a reckless, heedless course, except that I pursued it doggedly and systematically.