"Well, ye see he's terrible prood o' his feenishes, and this is ane o' them:
"'Heaven, ma brethren, will be far grander than the hoose o' ony earthly potentate, for there ye will no longer eat the flesh of bulls nor drink the blood o' goats, but we shall sook the juicy pear and scoop the loocious meelon. Amen.'
"He hes nae mair sense o' humour than an owl, and a' aye haud that a man withoot humour sudna be allowed intae a poopit.
"A' hear that they have nae examination in humour at the college; it's an awfu' want, for it wud keep oot mony a dreich body.
"But the meelon's naethin' tae the goat, that cowed a'thing, at the
Fast tae.
"If Jeems wes aboot a' daurna mention 't: he canna behave himsel' tae this day gin he hears 'it, though ye ken he's a douce man as ever lived.
"It wes anither feenish, and it ran this wy:
"'Noo, ma freends, a' wull no be keepin' ye ony longer, and ye 'ill a' gae hame tae yir ain hooses and mind yir ain business. And as sune as ye get hame ilka man 'ill gae tae his closet and shut the door, and stand for five meenutes, and ask himsel' this solemn question, "Am I a goat?" Amen.'
"The amen near upset me masel', and a' hed tae dunge Jeems wi' ma elbow.
"He said no a word on the wy back, but a' saw it wes barmin' in him, and he gied oot sudden aifter his dinner as if he had been ta'en unweel.