The Edge of the Desert

by Ianthe M. Dunbar

As I said before, the position of Arab women in Tunisia is so different from that which they hold in Europe that it is difficult for the two races ever to understand one another. A wife must not speak to her husband in the presence of her parents or of his. In referring to him in conversation she must not mention his name, but use a roundabout method in speaking of him, such as “the master of the house” or “the father of my children.” She may not eat or drink in his presence. Usually he takes his meals with his sons, waited upon by the women folk, who take their food later by themselves.

Amongst poor people the wife’s lot is a harsh one as all the work falls upon her, it being below the dignity of her husband to help her in any way. One often meets a countryman on a small donkey ambling along the road, his feet almost trailing in the dust, whilst his docile wife runs behind laden with the family baby and various belongings. Of course it may be that he knows exercise to be good for her health, but if that is the case, he does not try the recipe himself.

The rôle of wife is evidently a precarious one. At any moment she may be repudiated by her husband and for the most trifling causes. Should he wish to have the repudiation pronounced by the Kaïd, it is easy to find some pretext. Wishing to insult his wife outrageously, he compares her to the back of a person he cannot marry, saying for instance: “You are no more to me than the back of my aunt.” To the European mind this does not seem a very injurious remark, especially if the aunt is a handsome woman; but it is enough to send the wife in tears to the nearest Kaïd. She must wait four months to give her irate husband time to repent and to do the prescribed penance of fasting two months or feeding sixty poor persons. In that case his offence would be washed out. But one quite understands that it is a good deal easier for him to go on with the repudiation. He probably has been on short commons since his unfortunate remark, for an aggrieved wife is not careful over her cooking, and he does not therefore relish the prospect of a two months’ real fast. On the other hand sixty poor persons would probably have voracious appetites. So it comes cheaper to lose his wife. One can imagine many a mild-mannered man being driven into this position.

To do Mohammed justice, he endeavoured to improve the lot of wives, and laid down that the sum paid for one on marriage should be settled upon her. But there is a difference between law and custom, and the old custom still prevails by which the father receives the money.

The head of the family holds a very important position in a Mussulman household, and is treated with great deference by his children. A well brought up son never enters a house in which his father is without asking his permission, nor does he smoke in his presence or speak to him till addressed. Adoption is much practised in Tunisia, and the adopted children are treated in the same way and hold the same rights as the real ones.

A man must never speak to any woman in the street even though she be his own wife or mother. He must even feign not to see these last. It is one of the things that strikes one most on first visiting a Mohammedan country. You never see men and women talking or walking together. The men walk with each other, whilst the few women you see scutter about in twos and threes, closely veiled. If in the company of a husband or father they follow behind.

The Arab is very punctilious as to manners; his courtesy is remarkable, and there are fine gradations of salutation which it takes some time for the stranger to grasp. Should a younger man meet an acquaintance older than himself, he bows with his right hand on his heart. The elder responds in the same way. A child greets his master by taking his hand and kissing it, and then placing it against his own forehead. This same form of obeisance was paid me by women of the poorer classes. An inferior kisses the turban of the superior. Two people of equal rank kiss each other’s shoulders, whilst relatives meeting after a long absence kiss each other on the lips. Women embrace each other repeatedly when meeting.

No business can be conducted quickly; before approaching the real subject the weather must be commented upon, the health of the other enquired into, and that of his wife under the ambiguous title of his “house” or his “family.” Compliments must pass and a thousand and one polite formulas. To plunge into the matter in hand shows ill breeding of the worst description.

I was sketching one morning from the office of a lawyer in an oasis village, so had ample scope for watching professional etiquette. He was sitting cross-legged on the floor in flowing robes, his stock of small inkbottles, pens and other awesome implements of his trade ranged carefully on the clean matting round him, whilst he was laboriously writing some document from right to left. A yellow jonquil stuck behind his left ear seemed to me to bring a perilously burlesque note into the legal atmosphere, but I found it taken as a matter of course.