The cellar had a shocking fit of the palsy, and the candlelight shuddered and flattened.
“The ruddy swine are ruddy wild today. Suthin’s upset ‘em. ‘Ow long will this ruddy war last, sir?” asked the soldier, slightly plaintive.
“I know,” I said. “It’s filthy. But what about your old ‘bus?”
“Ah! What about ‘er. She ain’t ‘arf ‘ad a time. She’s seen enough war to make a general want to go home and shell peas the rest of ‘is life. What she knows about it would make all them clever fellers in London who reckon they know all about it turn green if they heard a door slam. Learned it all in one jolly old day too. Learned it sudden, like you gen’ally learns things you don’t forgit afterwards.
“And I reckon I ‘adn’t anything to find out, either, not after Antwerp. It only shows—Don’t tell me, sir, war teaches yer a lot. It only shows fools what they don’t know but might ‘ave guessed if they ‘adn’t been fools.
“You know Poperhinge. Well, my trip was between there an’ Wipers, gen’ally. The stones on the road was enough to make her shed nuts and bolts by the pint. But it was a quiet journey, take it all round, and after a cup o’ tea at Wipers I used to roll home to the garage. War? It was easier than the Putney route. Wipers was full of civilians. Shops all open. Estaminets and nice young things. I used to like war then better than a school boy likes Sat’d’y afternoons. It wasn’t work and it wasn’t play. And there was no rule you couldn’t break if you ‘ad sense enough to come to attention smart an’ answer quick. Yes, sir.
“I knew so little about war then that I’m sorry I never tried to be a milertary expert. But my education was neglected. I can only write picture postcards. It’s er pity. Well, one day it wasn’t like that. Not by a damn sight. It dropped on Wipers, and it wasn’t like that a bit. It was bloody different. I wasn’t frightened, but my little inside was.
“First thing was the gassed soldiers coming through. Their faces were green and blue, and their uniforms a funny colour. I didn’t know what was the matter with ‘em, and that put the wind up, for I didn’t want to look like that. What the ‘ell was up? We could hear a fine rumpus in the Salient. The civies were frightened, but they stuck to their homes. Nothing was happening there then, and while nothing is happening it’s hard to believe it’s going to. After seeing a Zouave crawl by with his tongue hanging out, and his eyes like a choked dog’s, and his face the colour of a mottled cucumber, I said good-bye to the nice lady where I was. It was time to see about it.
“And fact is I didn’t ‘ave much time to think about it; what with gettin’ men out and gettin’ reinforcements in. Trip after trip.
“But I shall never have a night again like that was till all I’ve ever done is called out loud, and I get thumbs down on the last day. Believe me, it was a howler. I steered the old ‘bus, but it was done right by accident. It was certainly touch and go. I shoodden ‘ave thought a country town, even in war, could look like Wipers did that night.